It takes a lot of practice to nail down the 180/37 rules.
Asking him to do anything can be taken as chasing. You need to show some mystery, you need to show you can make it.
I know it feels like your making some progress, or that what your doing might be hurting things at times. But that's just you trying to fix things. You cant.
Its best to let him go, find/see his own faults while your working on your own. Fear can really overwhelm us, cripple us, but you have to over come those anxieties to take the baby steps to get on top of your life. Your life starts when you take control, not respond to what he's doing or saying. You'll get there, it just takes time.
