I know it doesn't quite feel right, but NC is the only way your going to get yourself thru this BH. Hang in there.
The NC is for you, to protect yourself. Don't for a minute think she's in a fog, you'll underestimate her resolve. She thinks this is absolutely REAL in every way.
Work on your issues, cause in the end that's the only thing you have a say in. I understand you feel a lot of guilt for your share of the marriage issues, but don't feel like you were ALL to blame, and you didn't walk out and have an affair.
You cant help her fix her issues, and its best to let her go and let her deal with her own mess. I promise you OM isn't going to put up with having to CARRY her after a while either. If she isn't willing to address her own faults, theres nothing you can do but take care of yourself.
A lot about DB is doing the opposite of what you would normally do. It all feels counter intuitive, but in the end it works. It may or may not save your marriage, but you come out of it way better than where u were headed.
Stay strong buddy, it all takes a lot of patience. What are you doing to take care of yourself, eating/sleeping, getting out a bit? Are you seeing a counselor? Do you have any outlets?
