It was the best of times it was the worst of times

[Mimi00]

That night hike sounds really cool, I would have been so scared in the dark outdoors lol That's nice you met someone with a similair situation as well.
I hope your W responds positively to your email.

I don't know if I will ever start a new thread. I've logged off of all my social media for this month as well. I'm just riding out the rest of this year silently, trying to take my focus off my sitch (very hard to do of course) and hoping for the best!

[KdogGS]

Thanks Mimi.

I understand you have to do what's best for you regarding posting here and social media. I think that's what helped me to detach the most, not seeing or hearing about her escapades. So now, whenever I get an email, I get anxious.

I like knowing that if anything, I have a safe place to come post ideas, with people that will give it to me straight on how crazy or unreasonable I'm being. They and you have also proven to be some of my biggest cheerleaders during this time as well. Please use as a resource and don't feel you have to go it alone.

As for the night hike, it wasn't creepy or anything. There were about 20 people that showed up. We all ended up in random groups. I bet being alone at night out there would make you scared, but with that many people it definitely wasn't bad.

Check in when/if you need to. I hope all is well with you, and your job. Sounds like you do some good work with the homeless, I hope you know that's a very positive thing.

[Mimi00]

Thanks K....I simply enjoy helping others. I did the 40 day "Purpose driven life" book readings and introspection for the last month or so, it really helped to open my eyes to certain things....so I am focused on the plans for my life. I really would like to have a concrete direction/plan before the end of this year.

Hope you are enjoying your weekend!

[KdogGS]

Thanks Mimi for checking in, glad you're doing well.

I will have a good evening, I'm working until 4:30, going to church at 5 and then the company holiday party is tonight. It's at the local sports dome and ZZ Top is the headlining band. Should be a fun time!

[KdogGS]

Today marks 90 days since BD. I still have no idea if what I'm doing is having any effect. I do feel better about myself though, so at least I've got that going for me.

Good luck fellow DB'ers, keep those changes goin'.

[Mimi00]

I think many of us are in the club of not knowing if what were doing is working as well. You have done pretty amazing job in spite of that, through out this 90 day.

If I remember correctly, you posted not too long ago that you sent her an email about some things... did she respond or has she been quiet since?

[KdogGS]

That is correct, I did send her an email on the 4th. She responded just this evening. Her opening line is that she is considering refinancing the house into her name. That's quite odd to me, but ok. She kept it very business like, no emotion at all. She didn't even sign her email this time.

I'm not sure what's going on really. I have been cordial, and just awesome toward her I think given the circumstances. It seems like she keeps getting colder and colder as we go. I'm going to let everything settle in over the coming days and see what happens next.

[KdogGS]

I called W and left a voicemail yesterday. She has gone to not answering her phone, or apparently even returning my calls. I called her to arrange a time to exchange vehicles, so I left an upbeat voicemail expressing wanting to get this accomplished in the next couple of days. No call back or email as of yet.

At the original BD, she gave me a handwritten letter in which she stated she wanted us to be able to "communicate effectively" throughout this process. She's not holding up her end of the bargain. I am just killing her with kindness at this point. I washed, waxed, armor all'ed, Rain-x'ed the windows, vacuumed inside and out and put on tire shine on her car to give back to her. I have been nothing but cordial and positive throughout her quest to rid herself of me and it seems like she is getting colder.

Is anyone else experiencing this phenomena or have a theory on what's going on here? I'm really not sure what to think.

I asked her how I could best pray for her during this time, and her response was "pray that the process continues to go smoothly." How audacious! This once loving woman didn't even ask how she could pray for me back. My W was the most caring loving woman before, it seems like her heart has turned to stone. I don't think I'm doing anything to provoke this attitude.

Thoughts?

[Mimi00]

She's no longer your wife....some people even call the WAS an alien because their actions simply do not line up with the person they used to be. For some its an extreme difference for others it may not be.

What was your reason behind asking how you could best pray for her?

In this situation she may have twisted it in her mind as you saying something is wrong with her and she needs prayer. Or if its something that shes not use to hearing from you she may have taken it as you having some sort of motive....also she would need to be vulnerable to honestly share with you what she feels she needs prayer on....and she may not feel comfortable doing so with you at this time.

I pray for my H nightly......I'm sure he falls asleep with out even thinking of me.

[MrBond]

My thought is that you didn't thoroughly read DR or DB.

It explains why you don't overly do nice things for your spouse because you will get a negative reaction. Go back and read it.

"I called W and left a voicemail yesterday. She has gone to not answering her phone, or apparently even returning my calls. I called her to arrange a time to exchange vehicles, so I left an upbeat voicemail expressing wanting to get this accomplished in the next couple of days. No call back or email as of yet."

Then let it go. Don't wait on her. Make plans. If she calls back with a time that she wants to exchange and you already have something planned, don't change your plans for her. Tell her you'll have to do it another day since she didn't get back to you earlier.

"At the original BD, she gave me a handwritten letter in which she stated she wanted us to be able to "communicate effectively" throughout this process. She's not holding up her end of the bargain."

First of all, you don't know what she meant by that. Therefore you may not even understand what "her end of the bargain" was.

'I am just killing her with kindness at this point. I washed, waxed, armor all'ed, Rain-x'ed the windows, vacuumed inside and out and put on tire shine on her car to give back to her. I have been nothing but cordial and positive throughout her quest to rid herself of me and it seems like she is getting colder."

Go back and read the books.

"I asked her how I could best pray for her during this time,"

Why? You saying that makes it sound like you're being judgemental of her and that you are "holier" than she is. I understand that it is probably not your intent, but that's how you sound.

"and her response was "pray that the process continues to go smoothly." How audacious!"

Why is it "audacious". It's audacious to you and not her. She wants it to be peaceful. Nothing wrong with that.

"This once loving woman didn't even ask how she could pray for me back."

Why does she need to? That's just what YOU wish she would do. You can't control other people.

"My W was the most caring loving woman before, it seems like her heart has turned to stone."

She probably is still the caring woman. The only problem is that you don't see her acting that way towards you and you feel hurt from the lack of attention.

"I don't think I'm doing anything to provoke this attitude."

You want to control how she feels. You don't need to do anything.