I like Heather's rewording of your question about your H finding you worthy Rosa. What do you mean by the word "worthy?" Do you mean are you deserving of respect effort and attention? Did you earn those things? yes, I do believe I've earned those things.
From what I know of you, I think that you have. You have been a good, loyal, faithful and loving wife. You have supported your H and raised his children. You have kept his home, and even thru his insanity, have been honest and upright in your dealings.
You are a beautiful woman inside and out. Yes, I would vote that you are worthy. thank you Linda:)
You ask how you can possibly fight a man who feels he will die if he stays with you. I guess you can't. My H has said that to me too, that living here with me is killing him.
All we can do is let them go Rosa. Love them enough to let them take the steps they need to complete their journey. Give them up to the Lord. It's hard, I know, I struggle with it daily.
Job posted a link to a great thread she wrote about depression. I'll find it for you. I'm reading a good book about depression. Some of the "unofficial" symptoms of depression the author listed include being selfish demanding and unconcerned about the needs of others, distrusting of his partner's affection, being contrary combative and finding fault with everything, demeaning and critical of his partner, unpredictable illogical and unreasonable, manipulative, and prone to sudden inexplicable references to separation or divorce,
Any of them sound familiar? I think your H read that page!!
holy crap did he read that page or what?!?
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
So my lawyer called me today to tell me she had a long (read expensive) phone call with H's lawyer. He told her that since H's been paying the visas, which I would owe half of, this is what my child support money is going to. I said bu!![censored]. S19 got a call a month ago from visa looking for h. If he's paying why is visa calling us? His lawyer said H really wanted to do this without the judge but I'm being very difficult. I got mad. I said how am I begin difficult? She said it's normal for one party to accuse the other party. I said you should see my text messages. I DON'T RESPOND!! HOw on earth can I be evil when I say nothing? I don't contact him, bother him, I then read the text he sent me last. I don't respond!!!! His lawyer said i claim too much of the house for work. I said do you want me to send you a photo right this second of what my basement looks like??? I said let me show you EXACTLY how much I'm using. Because of this my income shows lower. They're trying to say I make more money than I do. Whatever H. You KNOW what I'm making. I run a business that uses fresh product every time my expenses are high! She told him point blank I need $xxxx a month to qualify for the mortgage and get h his money. His lawyer hummed and hawed. Tried saying he'll see what he can do. H isn't working as much at his second job. I said H's boss is going to Belize for work and another one is hurt. There were five guys in that one position, now there's three, you're telling me there's no work??? Apparently H feels bad for everything. WHATTHEFUCKEVER!!!! I told her I don't give a sh!t what H feels I only care about how my kids feel. He did this. He can feel all the bad!!!! I'm supposed to see money on Friday. We don't know how much but I'm supposed to see some. I'm holding not holding my breath.
I decorated the house a bit. Christmas decor is starting to go up. S19 was out and S14 downstairs. I had Christmas music going.....I was sad. Cried a few times.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, Paying the visa bill is not providing child support. I don't know why his lawyer would go for that BS, but it's not even the same category. Bills are bills and are treated as such. Child support is for food, clothing, medical expenses and some of the extra activities that children participate in.
Stand firm because your h isn't willing to work w/you on this at all. As for your business in your home, whatever area you are using is to be claimed as business related, i.e., if it's one room or the entire basement, just as long as you are using it for business.
Also, his second job shouldn't even be considered when doing the math for child support. It really should be based on his primary job. At least that's the way it is here. Oh, sure you h feels bad about everything. If he felt only so bad, he would be stepping up to the plate. You are being difficult? I don't think so...he's the one that hasn't returned a reimbursement check that was sent to him by mistake, he's the one that's held up child support and if he was paying the visa instead of paying you, why didn't he tell you. Visa is looking for him because he's most likely delinquent on his payments. BS to the highest degree.
Your h and his lawyer are a piece of work. Of course, his lawyer is only hearing what his client is telling him. Sorry, but I would continue on as I have been and to court you go.
Well, if some of the money shows up, be sure to document what you got. If it's a check or money order, make a copy for your records before you even think of cashing it. Document, document and document because you are going to need proof of everything he does.
Poor man, he feels sorry about everything...yeah, right. He's sorry he's in the mess he's in.
On another note, I'm glad to see you and your sons are beginning to decorate for the holidays. Please, try to enjoy the season as much as you can. It's okay to be sad and have a cry or two...it helps w/the healing process.
WR, I am very, very sorry he's acting like an @ss. I do hope he follows through w/some money for you and your boys.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think you would be better off using the time before the 13th to sit down and think about what you really want, if not yet done this already. Decide which items are non-negotiable and which are somewhat flexible depending on what the other party offers you. It is all about getting WHAT you really want for yourself and the boys.
In real life, I had a friend negotiate that her XH pay for the house mortgage until the youngest turned 18 [she had 3 children] so they all had a roof over their heads, familiar with their friends, and attend the same school together. Then the house was put on the market and the sale proceeds were split between the woman and her XH.
After you've jotted down what you want out of this, then fire off an email to your lawyer. Then you would want to review these items by phone with your lawyer before Court on the 13th. This will ensure that every thing is lined up and ready to go. By doing this way, you will not stumble and your lawyer is clear on your wishes.
WR, The advice Wonka gave you is good, solid advice.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't understand how HE gets to decide how to spend my CHILDREN'S money!?! He decided to pay the visa with money I'm to use to feed our children? Any work he gets is used towards child support calculations and he's had his pt for three years now so it's secure.
Wonka, she's sending me a Jcc itinerary which I will go over and send any revisions for. She said she thinks we can resolve it all on the 13th. Friday, 13th.....fitting. I have a feeling they (lawyers) had a frank conversation about what each of us want so they are going in with a good idea of what's going on and like she shared with me I'm guessing his is sharing with him.
I HATE THIS. HATE IT!!! I don't want to do it. I HATE IT. Me, and my boys, are being dragged through this $hit kicking and screaming, on the inside anyway, I have my life right now. I just keep crying.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, I know you hate this. I really do understand and if I could, I would give you a hug. It's not easy to watch your life change before your eyes.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to send you positive thoughts.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi WR am thinking of you and your boys and sending you love and positive thoughts. A hug to you.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I'm so sorry for the grief you are going through. I can't imagine how hard this must be. I'm glad you keep venting here, there are lots of people to help you and support you.
We love you WR.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
