I honestly think she should haven been confronted, albeit under a much cooler temperament. Love doesn't mean you have to be a passive coward. Sticking your head in the sand accomplishes nothing especially for the man that needs to reestablish boundaries. Often time we are our own worst enemies with some of the monster we create. You told her what you had to say, now back ALL the way off. Give her relationship with him no more attention. If you can afford your place alone I this asking her to leave is actually a great idea. If he's willing to remodel a house whatever that means then i'm sure he can welcome her now. Some might not agree with this but its just my opinion. Eat the meat and throw away the bone. Focus on you and your child and let God handle the rest.
Cc I am so sorry it has come to this. We are here for you man. If you need to vent, vent here. We know how you feel.
Just a few things I'd like to point out...
The two of them being in love, that's standard issue. They all say that. They believe they are soul mates (gag me).
If there is a part of you that still wants to see if it might work down the road, then bear that in mind. If you are done, then know that you are doing what you feel you need to do for yourself. She made her decision, and now you are making yours. She will try to twist it around that you are the one breaking it up...don't fall for that. This is a consequence of her decision.
If you think that you may have an interest in fixing it later, should she have an epiphany, then be careful what you do now. You have told her to get out of the house etc...don't back down on that or you will be viewed as weak.
I don't have the best wording for what I'm trying to say so maybe one of the others like accuray can better convey my message.
Take care of yourself and your daughter. Put your daughters needs ahead of everything else! I have a three year old daughter too so I know the emotions involved with that.
Do what's best for her right now. No fighting infront of her. It really is bad for her emotional health.
Thinking of you. ..keep us posted.
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Sorry about this bro. I know its hard. I am in the same position and it [censored] big time. Are you sure you are done? I thought I would be if I discovered that there was PA but the shock wore off and the reality that I still loved her and could forgive her came back.
Planning their life together is part of the fantasy. "Come live your life with me and all of our problems will be over." Do you really think that your W is capable of being in a successful relationship with all of the emotional baggage she has right now? I know that my W isn't.
Hang in there bro. Let things lie for a few days and then see where you are. I have found that encouraging other people on their situation is a great way to keep my mind off of mine. Keep posting dude!!
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
Cc I am so sorry it has come to this. We are here for you man. If you need to vent, vent here. We know how you feel.
Just a few things I'd like to point out...
The two of them being in love, that's standard issue. They all say that. They believe they are soul mates (gag me).
If there is a part of you that still wants to see if it might work down the road, then bear that in mind. If you are done, then know that you are doing what you feel you need to do for yourself. She made her decision, and now you are making yours. She will try to twist it around that you are the one breaking it up...don't fall for that. This is a consequence of her decision.
If you think that you may have an interest in fixing it later, should she have an epiphany, then be careful what you do now. You have told her to get out of the house etc...don't back down on that or you will be viewed as weak.
I don't have the best wording for what I'm trying to say so maybe one of the others like accuray can better convey my message.
Take care of yourself and your daughter. Put your daughters needs ahead of everything else! I have a three year old daughter too so I know the emotions involved with that.
Do what's best for her right now. No fighting infront of her. It really is bad for her emotional health.
Thinking of you. ..keep us posted.
Def agree with all of this. Leave it right there. Don't go back on it... Or you will certainly regret ever bringing it up. Stay strong, pray and pray some more...
I honestly think she should haven been confronted, albeit under a much cooler temperament. Love doesn't mean you have to be a passive coward. Sticking your head in the sand accomplishes nothing especially for the man that needs to reestablish boundaries. Often time we are our own worst enemies with some of the monster we create. You told her what you had to say, now back ALL the way off. Give her relationship with him no more attention. If you can afford your place alone I this asking her to leave is actually a great idea. If he's willing to remodel a house whatever that means then i'm sure he can welcome her now. Some might not agree with this but its just my opinion. Eat the meat and throw away the bone. Focus on you and your child and let God handle the rest.
Appeasement can be a dangerous thing sometimes...
I guess it depends on how the emails were found. I would not agree to disclosing information that was gained through snooping or some other irrational behavior (like sitting in your car down the street from you W's apartment waiting to see if she comes home with the OM - ugh!!). If you came by them honestly, then that's a different story.
Also, I think you can establish the boundaries that need to be established without letting on that you know something else is going on. You can still back off, give the A no more or your time or energy.
I also think telling her that if she is going to continue the affair, she has to leave the house is a good idea.
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
Confronting her was what you felt in the moment you needed to do. Whether a day/week/month from now you are happy you confronted her or wish you'd handled it differently, it's ok.
I DB for about 1 week, then have an emotional lash out and go back to square 1. I did this cycle for 6 months before I finally "got it". I don't beat myself up for the feelings I had during that time. I don't beat myself up for the reactions I had or the time lost DB.
I have decided to handle things differently now. I am seriously working on detaching. I hope you can, too.
Best of luck to you. We are here to support you. Take a deep breath and see where the cards fall. Keep us posted
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
After letting my wife have her way for many years and not standing up for my self, I gained massive respect in one quick stance...
And it was exactly the way you have handled it...
I told my wife that D3 has MY last name, and she is a part of MY family. I told her that if she wants out of OUR family, she does so ON HER OWN...
If she wants to leave, she does so, ON HER OWN.
And that D3 is staying right here in the home she was born in, the home she has lived her whole life in, in the bed that she has slept in since the first day....with the person who she shares a last name wth...ME!
And my wife caved in the face of a man protecting his child with the bravery and strength of a lion protecting his cub.
And...this has been a weak spot for her ever since. And sometimes I have had to acert my position. When my wife tried ONE time to go behind my back and take D3 for an outing with OM, I came out swinging again. I told her in a firm manner not to forget what I had said on that first day. I remind her that I will not stand for D3 having ajything to do with OM nor will I allow her to be exposed to this sick behavior....
Whether this is a DB way or not, I don't know. And don't care. I will not waiver from this position, reconcilliation or not. And I believe my wife respects me for it. She has never again tried to involve D3 again in her and OMs shenanigins, and back in my snooping days I read a convo between them about how I was serious and how they thought they should not 'rock the boat'. It struck fear on both of them....
Of course telling wife that I would 'bury him alive' if he came near my daughter again probably had something to do with that. She told OM what I said and he thought it would be best if they keep D3 out of it. I've had to reiterate this again a few times during the first few months when their fog is at its thickest but I believe if you are firm enough for long enough, they will soon back down.. and the fog thins out and I think the wife agrees now.
I will bury him alive if he comes near her again. Wifex your not listening to me. Do not mistaken my kindness for weakness. I will bury him alive if he comes near her again. Dont rock the boat if you don't want us to fall out....
Firm and with passion.
Of course you have to know your wife and how she would respond. In my case my wife knows I'm willing to die for my daughter, and that I come from a middle eastern background were we have the honor of an entire family to uphold. I will bury the guy if he comes near her...
How many times have I said that already lol. It just feels SO good.
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Me, H-34 now 38 W-32 now 35 T-13 now 18 years M-6 now 9 Daughter 3 years now 7 Bomb 11/27/12 - OM 1 year in house separation Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
