Don't know what to think

[T-boned]

Thanks Whiterose and Job for your responses.

Think I am going to stick around home and maybe do a repeat of T-Day vacation with my mom and sister - go visit friends. May go back up to Yosemite to see my friend and go skiing with her. Still sort of up in the air but I'm leaning that way.

Feeling pretty strong after the vacation. Kind of teetering on full acceptance of what is happening and beginnning to feel like I may not be able to go back if he asked. Yet I still pray every day he will find peace and happiness and that we will get back together. Sort of a mixed bag of feelings that are starting to shake out. All I know is five months ago I didn't think I could feel this way. I realize I'm far from being done with this - more to come (marathon not a sprint). Let's see how I handle him calling with a definite date to meet with the mediator. Then the actual meeting where I see him again.

I try not to dwell on anything about him too much because it allows my mind to go places I don't want it to go - like how is he satisfying his sexual needs - with a hooker? or some chick he met on match.com. Does he miss me at all? Or does he see me as some old woman he doesn't want to be married to anymore.

Like I said, as long as I don't dwell on it I can keep myself from all these unnecessary thoughts and go about my life without him. But gosh, I miss him - the laughter, togetherness, and fun we had.

I better stop here before the snowball starts to form.

Thanks you guys for checking in. I apologize for not stopping by your threads and commenting. Just not enough hours in a day right now to spend here catching up on everyone. How do some of you do it on such a regular basis and with so many people?

Gotta go to bed - it's getting late and 5am gets here too quickly!