Limbo is the new normal

[slow_it_down]

In terms of how things are going here, I am really feeling the full effects of being a mom of 3 kids. Everyone is fighting for my time and energy (kids, my H, the baby and my job) and I feel like I'm just falling behind in life.

I go back and forth between loathing my H for being able to just come and go with no defined responsibility and loving him like I've never loved before for some of the unexpected positive changes I'm seeing in him - like spending time w/ my S when I'm feeding the baby or putting a smile on his face and being upbeat around the kids and baby even if he's in a terrible mood.

As far as Christmas I'm keeping my expectations at 0. My H always lets work get in the way and even bailed on our big family trip at the last minute last year. It left me eating Christmas breakfast alone 600 miles from family. When I told him I was disappointed he didn't even try to get someone to cover for him he just moved out of the house. I returned from my trip to find him and all his stuff gone. I found out I was pregnant literally days later!

This year I'm ready for anything and am not putting any of my happiness directly in his control. I'm making sure to have plans lined up that will result in a good holiday regardless of what he's up to. However, I'm still hopeful that one of these years we can have one of those normal gather-round-the-tree holidays like you see on greeting cards and sappy movies.