Do not tell her you found these emails! Relax. Regroup. Nothing is over until you say its over.
I am sorry... I know this is hard, especially now in this emotion. Don't get on the roller coaster. She is in crisis! You are the rock, the foundation.
Now is the time to really find out what love is. Do not fly (make decisions, act out, confront) your Plane into this storm. You will only get tossed.
Keep doing what your doing. Act as if. Do this for you and your Daughter. Non of us chose this but we can choose what we are now. You are a good man!!! You are strong!!! You are Loving!!! You know have the opportunity to become very wise and divine. You are the master you are the strength!
Groov
Me:35 W:33 D:6 S:4 M:13 years BD:W Moves Out with D6 S4 7/25/13 EA: Confirmed 12/12/13 Divorced: 11/7/2014
I agree with Groov. I am really sorry that you saw this - that's very hurtful.
But take a deep breath. Take five big steps back. And when your emotions have calmed a bit, think about whether this is going to change what you are doing. What difference do these emails make? You still need to GAL for YOU. You still need to work on you and become the person you want to be.
You might want to think about setting boundaries.
But please, do NOT tell W that you saw these emails.
What she says or feels today could be completely different next week, next month, or next year. Who knows. Also, it's hard to believe that what you read in the emails is 100% the truth . . . why is are you two going to a holiday party together, and staying over in a hotel? She still sounds confused to me. But do you think she is going to tell that to OM?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
cc- I've just went through your story today. Do NOT confront her on what you've found. Been there. Done that. Regretted it.
Please do some deep breathing and regroup. Your mind is probably racing at this point. Everything is doom and gloom.
Our spouses have very mixed emotions right now. As groovshadow said, they are in crisis.
I think you've suspected this all along in the back of your mind and you were still managing to do all the great DB you've done. Your best bet is to keep it up. You've seen the reactions your W has had to your DB. No doubt she's noticed the changes in you. Don't scream/yell/accuse because it will only set you back from your ultimate goal.
Vent to us!! Not to her!!
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
Agreed with all the wise posters above. Often we feel that confronting will make us feel better, that we will put the WAS in their place. Usually the opposite happens -- YOU will feel worse and she will be indifferent.
Her affair is not about you. It is not a reflection on you. It is not your fault (repeat)
Confronting her has the same effect as a bully being mean to feel better -- they get a brief high and then feel worse than before they started
There is nothing at all wrong with you -- your wife is a cheater -- that's on her, focus on you
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Definitely do not tell her you found anything or confront her. Everytime I did that - texts, phone calls, catching them together - it backfired on me. It never once had the effect I had hoped. It is never attractive when someone loses control of their emotions.
Keep acting as if your world is fine with her or without her.
Me:38 W:39 No Children BD: 5/13 EA/PA Confirmed: 7/13 W Moved out 12/13
She literally told him everything. Every time we would hang out, she would say something horrible... have to go play pity party with H. I want to come to you.
They were already planning a life together. OM was talking about D like it was his D... I may [censored] kill him.
