After all FY, I think T2 and UR helped us both when we were in the LBS nursery
A few things I wanted to add, having had my H home so far ~
While we always say that each sitch is different, something that seems to be the same is the MLCer's need for space.
My H flat out told me - I want to be by myself, I want to be left alone. I've tried my best to accommodate him while still living together. He has - a few times during the crisis - thanked me for this.
If your wife wants to talk to you/be around you, she'll seek you out. If left alone, this gives her an opportunity to do this.
I understand where you're coming from with detaching/sharing family responsibilities. It can be difficult to balance.
Our boys were 1 1/2 and 3 1/2 when I got the bomb. H had been quite angry in the months preceding it, and had distanced himself from me and the boys.
One of the things he vocalized to me that he was upset about was that he felt that the boys liked me better, and that I thought he was a bad dad.
He once yelled at me, "I'm tired of playing second fiddle to you! I just want to be loved!"
So while I did not invite him to do things with me, I did invite him to do things as a family - keeping in mind - he may very well say no. (Which he usually did)
Once in awhile, he would join us. I did not ever want him to feel excluded. But, if he didn't want to join us, that was fine too. H spent months hardly being home, and I did a lot with the boys during that time. I feel strongly that kids shouldn't be denied living and having fun because a parent is in crisis. Life does go on without them.
Almost two years later, and H does have a R with the kids again. I am very thankful for that.
Aloof but available - a good mantra to have
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
