Look what the cat dragged in! (TL)

[tigerlily78]

Can you talk to H about this at all?

I think in some ways he already gets it, that it IS having a negative impact on our son (in his BD delusional state he had convinced himself with situation would "be better for everyone" in the long run.

I don't know, on one hand I guess if the timing and the mood was right he may be receptive to it... but I do think at times he files these kinds of thoughts/comments about our son's wellbeing into the "she's trying to use the kids against me" angle.

I had written him several notes early on pointing out that although I did understand he feels well within his rights to go off and be in a new relationship, that it was not acceptable for that relationship to force changes upon our son that were just selfish and unnecessary. Like there is really no good reason H going out with OW should warrant our son missing counseling or boy scouts... those are commitments our son has in his life that are normal and common place. For H to leave us in the situation we were in once scrambling for a ride to a meeting son has EVERY Monday like clockwork was inexcusable ("she was in the hospital for a day and then we decided to go back to her place and have a desperate screw to try and force intimacy onto our relationship" isn't a valid excuse in my book, just saying).

Our son did have a significant behavior incident at school within days of the bomb drop, and I did suggest that it could be an indication this situation was bleeding over into him emotionally, even if son was not aware of the situation yet in literal terms... he was already feeling the stress caused by it.

I have not specifically tried back H's parental issues though to what he is doing and that he could be passing this on to son. I think he has a mistaken sense that since son is 14, it's not going to be as big a deal as if he was younger. I think that is baloney myself. I know H did at some point mention or send me an article that bore out the kinds of longterm issues and insecurities tend to plague the children of split households... but again that is "general." I think he still thinks the rules and statistics apply to everyone else but H. For whatever reason his case and our situation and son's outcome will be the exception, not the rule.