Me 13 months on, affair finally confirmed.

[TryingToDo180]

ok that makes sense now regarding the tax Pity it's in joint names though. Will you be using the car at all? If not then perhaps you could sign it over to your W and then you won't have the problem of paying for it or whether or not to change the address on it. You say that one of your 180s is to buy things for others not yourself, well by signing the car over to your W is a huuuuge 180
That's all we can do at the mo is give them our unconditional love. Good for you standing for your marriage I intend to stand for mine as long as I can stand I'm not going out to look for someone else as I'm not interested in anyone else but my H. The thought of starting a new relationship terrifies me anyway.
Give God all your worries, stresses and anything else that's making you anxious. You'll feel a lot better if you do that, I know I do Just try not to take it back off God, that's the hard part, lol.
If you get a chance to read a book, I've started one called "broken heart on hold" by Linda Rooks. It is for women, but men can read it as well. It's a good read and not too heavy

[hotwheelsaust]

TTD180, I cannot sign the car over, the government charges all kind of fees for that. The W needs to have the "binding financial agreement" done up and sent to me. Then all either of us have to do, is take it in to the different offices/places and they are legally allowed to change from both names to single name. Again the W hasn't issued this yet. Her solicitor advised it was going to be done within a week, and that was 6 weeks ago.
I don't use that car, I do have the newer one (which W wanted me to have). Thankfully both cars are completely paid for, so it is just the registration and insurance costs.
Thank you for agreeing with me about standing for my marriage. I have only good intentions for staying married in my eyes, also, I want to hold my head high (to my sons) and show them I fought as hard and as long as I could.

[GALbaby]

Hey HWA.. You are growing every day, you are doing great. I too commend you for standing for your marriage. As far as the car is concerned, I think your W might need to feel what its going to be like if she has to start taking care of her own finances. I think at least you should ask her to pay half of the rego. That's not too harsh but at the same time you are saying to her, this is the start of your financial independence.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks GALbaby, and good to hear from you. The hard thing that I have to get over the hurdle for, is, I feel if I initiate any of these financial things, it will be just enough for her to initiate the final paperwork. And that is what worries me.
I know full well how much the W has gained by not paying for one thing during the last 13 months, including the mortgages, and then getting over $16k back on tax because of the investments. I know I should be demanding her to pay half. The hurdle is the worry that I then help her to change her mind and split those assets.
I know I shouldn't think that, I know I should think this is her choice and she should be responsible, but somehow I cannot. I thik of her opinion that I didn't listen to her opinion when we bought things, or I bought it without telling her, and in someone way I feel this is my payback for it.
I do understand it is silly to think this way, but at the moment, as I said above, it is my hurdle, and I need to jump that hurdle when I am ready.

[TryingToDo180]

I can understand where you are coming from with this It's a mental battle between your concious and common sense. We can't help but look at the "what ifs", but this is mind reading and my IC tells me that we shouldn't do this.
I agree with GALbaby that she should feel what it's like to be financially independent now. That's sort of like what I was trying to say earlier.
Like I said though, I completely understand where you're coming from. You could ask your W if she will have the bills go to her address and then she has to get in touch when the bills are due. At least that will stop you wondering whether or not to change it to your new address and she will have to ask you for the money instead of just relying on it. Just a thought

[Not Quitting]

HWA, I agree with both you and TTD about standing for your marriage. I'm still standing for mine despite the fact my H is telling everyone including S13 that he's never coming back.

Good luck with the move!

[TryingToDo180]

My H tells me that he's never coming back and reminds me every so often that he's going to d me. He can't understand why I don't want to d him, but why do I need the hassle!

[hotwheelsaust]

Hey all, I haven't starting ignoring everyone, the phone and internet were cut off earlier than expected. Will be back online around the 20th, from back at the real home. Only 5 more school days to go. So looking forward to this move.
Until then , no updates from the wife or family. Have decided I will send them Christmas cards. No letter, email or text going to the wife upon my leaving, and that is definite.
With no computer or internet, I have been doing a lot of reading, mostly about affairs and women's infidelity. Just puts things into place so much better.
I am still going to continue to stand for my marriage, but my biggest issue is going to be around "tough love". Deciding whether to give the bills to the wife or not.
Take care all.

[TryingToDo180]

Hey HWA! Hope the move goes well Looking forward to hearing all your updates on your return to cyber land

[hotwheelsaust]

How's this for a quick update, the good and bad. Just walked into church this morning to say goodbye to the chaplain who has helped me. Go to turn the mobile off (not that it gets much use) and it rings. My s21 called to let me know he just asked his girlfriend to marry him. She said yes. That is good and makes me feel so proud.
The bad news: I have no wife to celebrate this great moment with. Actually I have no one to celebrate with, except my DB friends.