Newbies introduce yourself /moderation notes

[Wisdone]

Hi,
Just had the worst week of my life. Have been going to Counselling every Tuesday for 5 weeks with W trying to get our 21 year marriage back on track, with have 4 boys.

I didn’t treated the counselling too seriously as I believed the problem lay with W, but wanted the outcome of a sex life back in our marriage as did W.

We definitely had/have relationship issues, in fact the “The Sex starved Marriage” reads a lot like our relationship.

So Counsellor suggested we try a night away, I had a business trip on a Friday so suggested to W to join me and we’d stay overnight. We had a great night out, bit too much alcohol and of course I pushed for sex. The sex wasn’t great for either of us so I got upset but kept it to myself.

A week later we are out on a Friday night after work with colleagues, yes we work together as well, a good night was being had by all. W made an innocent remark and I flew into a rage but kept it reasonably under control in front of our colleagues but W was in no doubt that I was angry.

Later at the end of the evening in the cab home I gave full vent to my resentment, spilling bile about lots of crap, calling W names, telling W she has a drinking problem and that she’s a sponge on me and my company.

Woke up Saturday morning and W was not in our bed, so resentment built up again, W had slept on the couch. Not satisfied with what I said on the cab ride home I decide I had to torture W even more, so I went for the jugular, I said I wanted a Divorce, W has to move out asap and that W is not getting access to the kids.

Of course W was completely shocked and stunned but I didn’t care, I let W stew all day. W took to her bed and when I went in to the room W had tears in her eyes which I viewed as success.

I slept on the couch and waited a whole 24 hours before saying to W that I might have been hasty, W thought about it for a few hours and said No she wants a divorce. I thought yea right, that’s going to happen, W will change her mind when we get to counselling on Tuesday.

Things were tense Sunday night and Monday but I thought come Tuesday Counselling session I can put this down as a “blow out” by me and that we’ll get back on track to W being the problem.

During the session we both explain some of what’s happened and W reiterates she wants a Divorce. Councillor does her best to try and smooth the situation but asks what we want to do next.

I say I want to fight for our marriage and W says she wants a divorce, then a discussion ensues about divorce, the kids need to be the focus etc. At this stage I'm thinking what’s going on here.

I have never see W so determined, W recalled all the time I’d been mean to her over the last 12 months. W was so focused on the decision she has made and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have finally push W too far. W is serious about this, the adrenaline flowed into my stomach, butterflies and an over powering desire to vomit came over me. I asked to be excused to go to the toilet and dry wrenched a few times.

Came back to the session to suggestions that I should leave the bed room to provide space between W and myself. Wasn't able to concentrate but more was said and a nightmare picture came into my head. More adrenaline flowed into my system and I couldn’t take anymore so I asked could I leave while choking back tears and said to W see you at home.

Drove around for a while, trying to decide if I should just get drunk to numb the sickness in my stomach or try and plead with W to keep trying.

Settled on having one large JD and coke while trying to reflect and then it hit me, what a “c***” I’ve been and have been for the last few years, probably the last 4 years.

I felt W was right she deserves happiness after all the crap I’ve put her through, I felt I don’t deserve W and that she has tried her best to keep us together.

Slept on the couch Tuesday night, couldn’t sleep, all the nightmare divorce scenarios are running through my head.

Couldn’t talk to W as I was a mess. Went to work Wednesday, couldn’t concentrate, still can’t talk to W. Lurch between feeling sick and wanting to cry. Sleep on the couch again, can’t sleep nightmare divorce scenarios running through my head again. Thinking I’ve absolutely blow it.

Thursday still can’t concentrate on work so start looking for sites to help with where I am, arrange a private session with our counsellor for tomorrow at 6 pm. Do a search for “getting back with your ex” and find this site. 1st site I found with a positive message to saving marriage. Read a few post and felt a positive vibe on the site.

Registered and staring reading chapter 1 of “The Divorce Remedy”, wow blew my mind. I don’t have to accept that the relationship is dead, I may have lost a battle but I intend to win the war.

I’ve order the book, express delivery it will be here on Saturday.

I will question the counsellor on her attitude to marriage and divorce but I don’t thing I have anything to worry about re the counsellor but better to be safe than sorry.

Feeling so much better already, I have a goal and a focus, fight for our relationship. I know I’ve been a miserable husband for the last 4 years but I now want to learn and change. I can’t wait for the book to arrive.

It won’t be an easy road I know but at long last I realise what I want more than anything, W, our kids and our beautiful home. Tears in my eye so I’ll sign off now.