Me 13 months on, affair finally confirmed.

[hotwheelsaust]

TTD180, the tax (or registration) was paid by me in Jan this year, and is due in about 6 weeks. The car is still registered in both our names, not just the W's. That is my issue - to stand for the marriage - but still accepting responsibility for things in our names. The other reason I am trying to make a decision on it, is that the W viewed me as always spending money on myself, for me, and when I wanted something. So my 180 is also mot to simply spend on me, but to use my money for others, or simply to think of others first.
If the paperwork arrived from the solicitor I wouldn't have this issue, but until it does arrive it is then an issue for me to make a decision on. Similar to when I move back home, I have to change the address for all the vehicles, so do I change the car the W is using to my new address as well? Since the car is in my name also.
One of the things I have really focused on in the last few weeks is to stand for my marriage. I have been doing this all year, but now more than ever, to think like a husband. I am still married, yes my W is no longer with me, but as a husband I won't go and find another woman to keep me company, I won't involve myself with another woman with possibilities leading to infidelity on my behalf. I will continue to wear my wedding ring, to continue to stand by my beliefs and vows I made 24 years ago, whether the wife does or not.
At this stage of my life and sitch, I am still married and I will act like it, to my wife, family and friends. I will continue to fight for my marriage, even if it does mean going dark. I will do everything possible for my marriage, to be there for my W (if she chooses) when she comes out of the fog.
It doesn't mean that I will sit at home, doing nothing. I plan on doing everything that it offered to me, and things that I go looking for. Just won't be going to look for someone to take over my W's place in the marraige.
In saying all that, I also have to have the commonsense to accept that I may not always feel that way down the track. It is where I stand now. Bit by bit I feel more comfortable each day about acting this way, not there yet, getting there.
I have related it to having a child on drugs. We hate they are on drugs, we want to do everything possible for them to get off the drugs, but we know we cannot do anything to change their minds. So we do the next best thing: don't help them. Let them work it out themselves. We still love them the same, just don't like what they are doing to themselves and others.
Unconditional love.