Our problems stem mostly from us not having a lot in common. I think that people not having things in common is quite possible but sometimes i wonder (and i think she does as well) whether it would be 'better', being with someone similar.
Our first round of counseling was centered around that concept and a lack of communication. How to say things like 'i feel' rather than 'you upset me when..'. Things got better for awhile. Part of it may be that i am a recovering addict (haven't drank in 18 years) and she had an eating disorder to the point she recently had bariatric surgery.
Addicts don't seem to address issues, as long as we get our fix we can ignore any problems. We used to let stuff build up for quite awhile. And even though i wasn't drinking, i think i found escapes in other things such as reading/vegging on tv and computer.
And of course, marriage is work. Trust me when i say i have had my fair share of laziness in maintaining this relationship. To be honest though, now that i have read DB, i see that i certainly put in a huge amount of energy doing things the same when they didn't work out the first time. Of course, my sponsor used to say that i think way to much, stop thinking, and do! So my 'analysis' may be right, may be wrong, and in some aspects it doesn't even matter......
I will ponder your questions and soon post another rambling. To be continued!
me 41 w43 married 20 years BD 10/10/13 ILYBNILWY.... 4 kids, 21,18,8,6
