Just a bit of journaling... The health problems have started to kick in from the amount of stress I have been under. Digestive issues, hormonal problems. But, I don't want to take any anxiety medication because I want to feel all of this and grieve and get through it. Last night I had a huge cry fest right before bed. I could barely breathe or see when I was done. I was calling out to God and asking him just to help me find my way to happiness again. I feel so defeated and deflated. I'm tempted to start hanging out with some more guy friends but I feel like that is dangerous territory with the situation I'm in. I feel so lonely and just simply alone. My mom passed away 9 years ago so I don't have her to talk to about this stuff. I can't talk to my dad because he did to my mom what my husband is doing to me now. I keep wondering when the real love ended for my H and all the faking and acting started. I feel like such a fool. My therapist seems to think that my H is just waiting for me to tell him that he's been right all along and I'm a terrible wife and partner and he should have every right to leave me. I'm thinking of talking to a lawyer to see what my rights are, but I don't even know what I should ask. Just a really low day for me today.
Me: 31 H: 32 Married 10 years, together 11 No kids H moved out to an apt 8-3-13
Experience: That most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God, do you learn. ~C.S. Lewis
