Sounds good, I don't hear any 'victim speak' in your post. Learn to live "The Four Agreements"
Whatever she is doing is not about you. It's her reality, her (bad) dream.
Don't make any assumptions about the way your kids are being. It appears that they have observed your lack of malice and are responding 'in kind'. In other words you are being impeccable with your word and not using it to harm or gossip about her. Yet they can see how XW and OMB are not impeccable with their word.
What works for me, is I look at everything that happens and try to frame it in terms of the agreements.
And, what your doing has been helping to support ME as I try to rebuild the relationships with my adult daughters. Luckily their mother is not the enemy.
