Divorce on the table, Hoping for miracle

[NeedingMore]

HI Groov,

I didn't take him back because he was, and remains, a very verbally abusive person. I thought about going back so many times, but something kept me from doing it. When he would say he made a mistake, he was sorry, etc...I would say "Ok, what you can do now is go to counseling and get some help. I need to know that I am not going to go through this again." And he would reply "I know I messed up, I just want my family back and that is all you need to know." It went on like that for a very long time. To this day, he grovels in regret, and I have forgiven him long ago.

Even though it is hard to see when you are in pain, it is all meant to be.

I am having a hard time again so I think...why am I going through this again?? And I have to dig deep and remember the strength that I got through it with last time...it comforts me to think of the amount I will have when I am free from the pain this time, whether I end up with my BF or not.

Anyway, my did not want to come back until he thought I was really moving on. That's how this crazy game works. The reason it takes so long is because you can (and need to) "act as if", but when you are not acting anymore is when the other half knows they have a legitimate chance of losing you. It can't be rushed, unfortunately.

I am having a hard time with the holidays. Seems like everyone else is happy and I am miserable. I am trying to not allow this to take away my joy. For my sake and my kids'. They deserve me at my best

Have a good, healthy day GS.

NS

P.S. My mantra today is "I am worth more than many sparrows; my times are in His hands."