My lesson for today - trying to let go of more control. H sent me an email letting me know that he would be out of town for a week in February (OW will be there too, makes me sick to my stomach, boo). He said that he also wants to go on a guys weekend with his cousins the weekend before and was asking if there were any conflicts. I wrote back that it was fine and to let me know the exact dates to put on my calendar.
What I really wanted to say is "Dont you care about the fact that you are not going to see your kids for three straight weekends?" I refrained because I know that I would have said that in the past and clearly it never made a difference. It shows me again that H and I are in very different places in terms of how we view our alone time and time with our kids. I have a work trip in January that I cannot get out of. But I made every effort to take the last flight out and the first flight home to limit my time away from the kids. Dont get me wrong, I will make an effort to enjoy my time when I am away, but I also could not just take off three weekends in a row.
Deep breathe ... I cant change H. I cant change how he chooses to live his life. I cant make him want to be here, to be a family or to be with me. I can only control myself, my life and my interactions with the kiddos.
