Wife says she wants to leave

[melissag]

May I ask how you feel about the positive changes I made last night? I'm not trying to jump in and grab the reigns, but take small steps day by day.

I wasn't sure what to say about these, but since you asked, I'll take a crack at it.

Is asking your W for help with dinner a 180 for you? What about parenting your D? It sounds like you did a good job with her, and your W respected that, so sounds positive to me.

Not sure about asking W to fold the laundry, but I don't know what goes on in your house. I would NEVER ask my H to fold laundry here, since it's all my laundry and the kids' laundry. And the whole reason he moved out is to get away from this kind of stuff. But if it was your W's laundry too, I could see that being OK. What would you have done in the past? Did you do all the laundry yourself and then quietly build resentment about it?

I think it was good that you said no to picking D up, when it is W's job to do so. I hope that you at least told her you couldn't, rather than that you won't. There is that fine line of standing up for yourself/not rescuing her and being rude/punishing her.

I think that what's more important than my feedback is your W's feedback. Are you keeping a journal of what's working? You are making small changes . . . watch and see how she responds. If it seems she is responding in a positive manner, keep them up. Neutral or negative, pull back.