Wife Said She's Done

[melissag]

Your feelings are totally understandable! There are many times I just want to say/yell to my H, "please just stop this BS, put your wedding ring back on and come home with us like you are supposed to." But I have to remember that HE feels differently. And while you don't agree with how your W feels, you have to accept that they are her feelings and they are just as valid to her, as yours are to you.

Here's something I copied from another thread a little while ago (I believe it was NTXDad who wrote it):

I think the LBS initially doesn't realize the pain the WAS was feeling in the M. The pain they feel (real or not) is excruciating... so much so that they took a huge gamble to throw it all way and make a drastic move of leaving. I'm not saying that LBS is always right and the WAS is wrong, both contribute to the failure of a marriage. Usually the LBS is stunned and clueless that the WAS felt bad enough to leave so they want to blame it on some type of mental illness. And it's that exact complacency of the LBS that probably contributed to the failure of the marriage.

Whether we blame it on mental illness or otherwise, the point is that we tend to discount the WAS's feelings, which, more often than not, is exactly what got us here in the first place.

I try to remember that my H probably felt during our M a lot like I do now - which is pretty crappy. That's hard to swallow, but it helps give me some perspective.

Don't think about how your W feels about the sitch. You have no idea how she feels. That said, I do think that many WASs initially feel better and relieved - they have been released from the trap and it feels good. This helps you, though, because now that your W has no pressure, no obligation, she is free to be kinder to you, more relaxed, etc. Don't take this as a bad thing. Just give her space and make sure you are exerting zero pressure.

Finally, use living together to your advantage. Your W will have the opportunity to see the changes in you. So make them happen. I know it is hard because it's exhausting faking contentment all the time. Make sure you get out of the house, and have a way to release your pent up emotions. If you are feeling mad, sad, whatever, just leave for a bit. Go for a walk. Run an errand. Go somewhere and scream for a while. Whatever you need to do. Just don't do it in front of your W!

Take a deep breath. You can do this.








But I know I can't do that. It is really hard living with her and trying to put on a happy face at the same time. I dont have a big house and there is not much room to get away. I dont want to just take off because I want to be around and hang out with the kids.

I do not start many conversations, but she seems more than happy to ask me a question or strike up a conversation, or sit and watch TV me etc. It truly seems that she isnt bothered by this very much.

Im so confused and sorry if Im whining. [/quote]