Dingo, this is the hard part, realizing that you really have no control. We've all been there, so have some understanding of the grief your experiencing. And it is grief for a loss, so let that happen, the more you try to deny your feelings of grief, the harder it is.
Really try to concentrate on you, tho. Eat, make sure you're hydrated, get some physical exercise, if you drink alcohol, watch that because it's s depressant and you can end up doing things you regret, (drunk dialing).
It's a day at a time at this point, don't expect it not to be.
You can do this
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss