Being the nice person isn't always fun!

[Pudmuddle]

You did a fantastic job CC. I'm very happy that you are feeling a bit stronger today.

Interesting to see when we get stronger, they start pursuing. I'm glad he treated you well.

[CallaghanClown]

And when they pursue we feel we can distance better!

Realising he's not the man I fell in love with helps me. I love him, but much like him, I'm not in love with him.

I wish him well, want him to be happy, want him to get well, but I want nothing more of or from him. He's on his own now. He's his own man, as he requested.

[tigerlily78]

Yep, funny how that works.

What an amazing thing that is CC. You love him but you aren't in love with him... Mind blowing.

I wish I was there already. Good work lady.

[CallaghanClown]

It's not always that way but pretty much there.

It helps that he doesn't look like, sound like, act like or speak like the man I was in love with. He's even changed his name......MLC much?

I'm a lovely, kind, good looking girl. I wasn't when he was about. The better I feel about me, the less I concentrate on him.

I have two parties over the next two weeks with people that don't know I'm seperated. This will be a huge test for me.....time to get back out running. My new confidence and ability to control my anxiety will help.

[JuneReN]

You go girl. You are kind and lovely and have some fun at the parties

[CallaghanClown]

2x4's at the ready......

I just had a huge brain fart and couldn't control myself. It all spilled out. I seriously didn't see it coming and couldn't keep it coming out.

I said:

I set boundaries and you piss all over them because you are disrespectful

I have to supervise your time with the kids because you have no control over what you say or do

You showed my kids to another woman on FaceTime

D6 said she wanted to kill herself

You lie to me and I don't want to hear you say you are being honest.

I'm not going to enable your bad behaviour any longer.

You didn't want to be part of this family anymore and I don't want to play happy families anymore but I have to for the sake of the kids.

When you disrespect me I don't want to be near you or hear from you but I have to because of the kids.

Stop promising to visit the kids and then let them down.

Don't say you'll call them and then don't.

Don't tell me you have no money when I know you are out spending it.

If you are going to continue cheating on me we should get a divorce.

He denied all cheating. Says he never goes out. That he's home or working all the time. That he appreciates everything I'm doing. That he tells everyone how amazing I am and not that I'm keeping the kids from him.

I told him I wouldn't change places with him for the world because he must be going through hell but that I sometimes need space because I don't want to be playing happy families with him. I'm grateful that we can be friendly to eachother and I'll make him welcome for the sake of my kids but I don't want him having the best of both worlds!

We both cried and we ended up hugging.......hugging.....it's the first time he's initiated touch since BD.

I wish I'd kept my mouth shut, but I feel like I've cleared my air. I didn't shout at all and I kept my cool. I hope I haven't caused any harm to my journey.

I guess I better get back to some serious DB after all that.

[bustingout]

CC I am no expert by far, however it does not seem that you farted as loud as you think.. (:-))

You weren't yelling, you weren't making things up, you weren't insulting.

You both hugged.

I do know how you feel. Sometimes I wish I would just STFU too because of harming my journey. But I guess its all part of the journey.

Its always good to refocus on DB... I am with you on that.

Have you set some boundaries now?

[job]

CC,
Sometimes we have to tell them how we feel. You've done that and now he knows how you feel and what his actions are doing to his family. Now, you need to step back and give him plenty of time and space to digest what you've said.

Set your boundaries and stick to them. Do not waiver or he'll continue to disrespect you and your family by not adhering to them.

[tigerlily78]

I think we all have those moments where we need to get it off our chest and stop sparing the MLCer from the illusion that everything is just hunkeydory for everyone now that they have moved on to living their own life.

I think small, controlled, INFREQUENT bursts of truth are okay. I almost think they are necessary or we would all be joining the MLCs in the cuckoo bin.

It appears like what you did was good. I think I take it overboard at times, and am pushing too frequently, which is not good. He needs to see that people are hurting because of his actions. Not because of the initial BD (yes that does hurt too), but that even outside of that he is making a chain of decisions that just KEEP hurting people.

You both cried and hugged. I would take that as sign that a good portion of it got through to him. The question will be whether it sticks and initiates some changes/effort on his part.

job is right, giving time to process and react is important. I think this is where I keep really messing up.

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks everyone. You've really reassured me that it wasn't the stupidest thing in the world to do. He needed to know how I felt, it's out there now, time to back off and let him bake.

God it was great getting a big bear hug. I've missed it more than anything......well maybe sex would be nice.....but I do love a hug.