Look what the cat dragged in! (TL)

[tigerlily78]

Thanks so much again to Pud and everyone for the warm facebook welcome. It made my day to have friend requests to wake up to (even if it was close to 11am when I woke up).

Today was an up and down day. I should have left well enough alone, but for whatever reason felt like I could poke the bear a little today.

Needed to bring my son more of his meds he takes during school hours, H acted like HE wanted to go do it, because he had other plans. I finally just said fine, "If you really think it's easier for you to do it, then go ahead. Here's the pills. Get that done and then you are free to go do whatever else you want today." He elected in the end NOT to take the pills and he came home for normal lunchtime. Originally it sounded like "shopping" and "going out to eat alone" were on his agenda.

We had a decent lunch. He even asked me if I wanted to go get my haircut soon (weird, he likes it long, there has never been TOO long in his book, usually I have to insist on going). Maybe he was just being nice. Maybe if I cut my hair it will be easier to not pine after me? :P I said I would like to get my hair cut soon, when we could manage it. (In the back of my mind I wondered if my getting a haircut would then validate or excuse a bunch of other money he spends on himself).

While I was taking pills over to son's school I was sitting at a stoplight and got waved at and flirted with. That sure hasn't happened to me in years. I told my H about it and that the guy wasn't even ugly. He laughed and said, "Damn. People flirting with you in the car? I never get flirted with... almost never." (Coincidentally, that one time someone besides me flirted with him, she turned out to be his "soulmate". Isn't it funny how that turned out? hyuk hyuk)

While he was getting ready this afternoon I pushed him. I asked too many questions. Questions I have asked before that he never answers. Like how long he thinks he would hang around waiting for me to try on another relationship under these same circumstances... six months, a year? How long is fair to ask me to wait? He msgs, "How should I break up with you?" (Umm... hasn't he already broken up with me, isn't that the point here? He has broken up with me, but wants to half ass it and feel safe I will still be here if he changes his mind?)

Did he want me to say, "yes, please break up with me AND stop paying the bills of our communal household... that will make me feel better." Crazy. So I guess he thinks the whole "roommates who are broken up but still help each other out, including sexually" is the nice and easy way of breaking up with me. :P

He says he hasn't felt like this is his house in 5 years (he has a constantly evolving list of complaints about why he can't hang out downstairs) ... I pointed out that it has never been intentional on my part to make him feel that way, but that he has erected this constant list of complaints that I did often jump through hoops to try and mend. All he did was complain. I complained about the complaining. See how that works? I was the only one even TRYING to do anything about it, but somehow that's on me.

I ask if his OW's house meets all the criteria? (I would guess that at this point it doesn't, but he's not ready to judge her yet for her living space, he'd rather just spend most of his time here when she isn't there). He doesn't answer.

He says, "I am being friendly with you because you want me to and I want to be." I ask, "Is friendly giving sexual favors?"
He says, "I did that because you wanted me to and I wanted to.
If I say we will never do anything together like that again will you be happier?" I don't answer. I just say I don't want to be the pressure release valve so he can continue to justify how great life is somewhere else.

He says he can play this game too, I just keep asking a bunch of questions that get more ridiculous and insulting. "It's not progress. What do you want from me."

I say, "Oh I see, it is insulting for me to ask questions to try and gauge my status in this situation, but not insulting for you to be in a relationship with someone else." More comments along this line. What is really more insulting than asking someone questions.

I ask what "Progress" looks like to him. I give a few suggestions. He doesn't answer.

I also say he already knows what I want. He shouldn't have to ask, because I have been very clear about it.

He msgs back to me, "To be a husband to you again, but I can't do that right now."

... Well, at least there was that qualifier on the end "right now." I guess that is better than "I never want to be your husband again, and that is final."

I tell him as he is getting ready to go out that I see a pattern. That since today I got serious with him and asked questions, tomorrow he will have to run out and do some shopping and go out to eat to improve his mood. He probably won't even come home at all, he might even take the day off work again. That's the pattern. I tell him if he doesn't want to keep living the pattern he will have to make a choice to do something different tomorrow. He says he doesn't know what he will do tomorrow. I say, "well, thank yourself. You are the one who taught me the importance of analyzing data and seeing patterns. So, you decide. Pattern or not."

We shall see. I pushed way too hard. I need to stop letting little things fool me into thinking it means a GD thing. All his being here means is he is a coward who doesn't really want to commit to anyone.



But then I see he is now smiling and with her in her facebook banner photo. And I feel like I should just stop fooling myself. He tells me what he wants me to hear so I don't rock his love boat, he offers me crumbs for the same reason. It's really that simple. He is just protecting what he actually cares about right now.