Back....again.

[Lll54]

Because you are afraid of being alone; in your mind that means you can't do anything to make him angry, so you will say and do anything to keep him "happy." And he knows it, and uses it to make you feel like a second-class person in your own marriage.

Couldn't say it better myself.

Let me be clear: what he did was horribly petty and mean-spirited. He could have—he should have—come to you and said "I found these messages between you and your family, and I'm really upset"; you could have had a real discussion about things. Instead, he misled you and manipulatied you into saying something that he could then twist against you.

Exactly. This is what a strong healthy marriage would look like. Is this something I could bring up with him? Or do I just leave it?

I'm sure that's not the case at all; however, he's a manipulative control freak and he will twist everything into making it seem like it's your fault.

Yes i know:( his new late night social life, the fact he manipulated me rather than communicated with me...blah blah. He never seems to think he does anything wrong? Had the tables been turned and I read HIS messages? He would have absolutely went crazy with anger that I read his messages and it would have been my fault for reading them. He is so good at making it about me regardless. Actually had that been me reading his messages looking for a listening ear from his sister or mom I really don't think I would have said a thing. It would have sucked to see them saying a few bad things about me but I don't think I would have ever admitted that to him because I would have felt terrible for reading them in the first place. He doesn't! He doesn't think reading those was wrong.

1) If he wants to leave, he will. There is very little you can do to keep him in your marriage against his will; and even if you could, why would you want to stay married to someone who doesn't want to be with you any more?

I guess I don't. I don't want him to be here if he doesn't love me.

If he leaves, you will be OK.

This is the part I can't understand yet. I don't want to think about it. I don't think I will be ok. I'm the weakest person you will ever meet. I just don't think I have the strength to get through this.

I didn't contact him all day and when I got home he was gone already to ref. He will be home well after I'm sleeping. In trying to detach. I had a good night with the boys and only teared up a little. Even had half a chicken breast for supper. More than I've had in a week. Small positive.

I just wish I knew all the answers. What to say, how to act...