Back....again.

[TrentC]

I was scared to tell him I vented to my sis and mom.

Because you are afraid of being alone; in your mind that means you can't do anything to make him angry, so you will say and do anything to keep him "happy." And he knows it, and uses it to make you feel like a second-class person in your own marriage.

Let me be clear: what he did was horribly petty and mean-spirited. He could have—he should have—come to you and said "I found these messages between you and your family, and I'm really upset"; you could have had a real discussion about things. Instead, he misled you and manipulatied you into saying something that he could then twist against you.

Now I'm in this position where I feel for how he is feeling but at the same time he found out in a horrible way and I just hate how he always gets to be mad at me. And I seem to always make the mistakes in this marriage.

I'm sure that's not the case at all; however, he's a manipulative control freak and he will twist everything into making it seem like it's your fault.

And because you are terrified of the thought of him leaving you, you let him get away with that. Nothing will change for you until you get over the fear of his leaving you.

1) If he wants to leave, he will. There is very little you can do to keep him in your marriage against his will; and even if you could, why would you want to stay married to someone who doesn't want to be with you any more?

2) If he leaves, you will be OK. It'll hurt a lot, and you will be miserable for a while; depending on how custody and child support goes, he will always be a presence in your life. But you will heal, and you might be able to find a healthier relationship with someone else.

3) If you don't take the time to learn about yourself and deal with some of the issues that you have, your relationships will never become what you want them to be; you will keep going from bad relationship to bad relationship, trying to find the person who can "fix" you.