on the edge pt 2

[dingo]

I just now saw your post sandi. I had to meet her at the house to let her in so we did speak. I did not push the D but she does want to have her lawyer look over the settlement. I gave her my lawyers phone number and told her that I would not bbe plan b. This is for my respect as well as her respect for me.

I guess divorce really isn't symbolic of kicking her out the door as she's already walked out the door of her own accord. I guess it's symbolic of really allowing myself to be free of the situation and not feeling like I have to hold onto hope or expectations or otherwise act like a married man when I am not in a MR.

I told her that once her stuff was out that it would be best if we not talk at all. If there are legal things to discuss, we can talk through our attorneys. I do mean to go dark. For my own sanity as well as any for any chance we have left. I know it will not be easy and welcome any advice.

I have done what I need to protect my finances and legal affairs. I did that way back in July when all of this was first uncovered.

This morning when I confronted her I asked her if this is what she wanted, she told me exactly what you describe. "I want what I can never have. To not have to give you up but still see what can happen with the OM." That is part of the reason I think things are very dire right now. She has realized that she can't have both and seems to have reached a decision as to which she wants. It seems like it will take a miracle now to change her mind.

You are correct in each of our different approaches to the separation.I did expect time apart to work on ourselves and to decide on what we would do about the marriage. I also think you are correct in that she had never really considered not exploring things with the OM. She told me that sometimes she tells me that so as not to hurt my feelings. She is convinced that he is the right person for her and has said multiple times that she doesn't feel like she should not do something she wants to (see the OM).
I have been trying to imagine myself in her situation (feels oug of love and detached from her husband and feels she has a chance at happiness elsewhere) and I think it would be very difficult to not act the same.

Lastly, with respect to going dark, she did mention that she feels controlled by me even in her new apartment. Just because we talk all the time and ssee each other. She doesn't think I can hold to no contact for long so I guess that will be the first thing to 180 on.