I am so glad that my post was helpful. I believe this is why we are all here...to help each other. And I believe that we are all personally going through this because we are meant to be better people. So, giving a purpose to this pain is extremely helpful for me.
My sitch is so different in that I am trying to detach from my boyfriend. We lived together for 2 years, been together for 4. I wanted more verbal commitment from him than he was willing to give. And I pushed him away by shutting him out, and feeling hurt. I recognize my mistakes and I am fixing them. He never completely broke anything off, but talking about our R is a big no no. He lives with roommates now and seems so happy. We see each other and are intimate, but I am still worried that I will lose him. Things go really well and then he backs off for a bit. For the last week I have only heard from him a couple times. It is so weird. He still tells me he loves me and calls me by pet names. When he ran into a mutual acquaintance recently, he told him we were not broken up but just "doing our own thing". He is the one who told me about this conversation, yet he will NOT discuss his feeling with me directly, and he does not initiate much. Point here...I get glimpses of the "old him", and otherwise he is alien.
Another point in telling you my sitch is to say that I came here because I found DB when my husband left me prior to my current relationship. At that time I was devastated. It was out of the blue...or so I thought. We had been married 8 years, got married at 22. Looking back it was inevitable. He was never around, he was never supportive, and when he left he said he was not in love with me...he wanted to give me the chance to find someone who "actually wanted to spend time with and be around" me because he didn't. Ouch! I realized then that I was at fault for a few things...but overall, I was a faithful wife, and I just wanted to have a partner. My intentions were good, and loving. After DBing he came back to me. And I was done.
Now, as I write this, I realize in my newer sitch, things are the same. But I am harshly and continually beating myself up with the guilt of what I could have done differently.
We all make mistakes, but when it comes to relationships we cannot control the other person. We can be the most loving, helpful, supportive mate, or we can be a jerk...either way, the other person will want us or they won't.
I want my BF still, even though he is hurting me with his distance...and he still loves me, despite our issues. Does that translate to us being together right now? NO. Does that mean we have a future? Who knows..(I sure hope so). I am trying to say...you cannot figure our W out right now or ever, as nothing is certain. Although uncertainty is the horrible feeling that brings us all to this site in the first place, I am trying to think of this as a good, positive thing.
That is why it is important to stay positive, and create in our minds the outcome we want. Just because she is proceeding, doesn't mean it is final. Even if the divorce becomes final, you could still end up together one day.
She is confused. DB is a lifeline because of how hard this is...and you obviously get the concept. Continue to be a man that only a fool would leave. It sounds like you have that part down!
It sure still hurts when we feel rejected by someone who is supposed to love us, doesn't it? It will pass. Breathe.
I tend to be very long winded, I know, sorry! Once I get going it just keeps coming!
Me:35 BF:36 Together 4.5 years lived together 2 years moved out 8-13 still "together" but not together. Confused. D11, D13 (from 1st marriage)
