First things first. You said she hasn't seen the OM in two weeks. During that time, how have your interactions been with her?
"She even enjoys being around me, even alone. She says things like, 'lets go out to dinner', or 'can't wait until D3 is in bed so we can relax'."
These are good signs.
"But yet she hasn't ended her affair"
Again, how do you know this?
"or done snything to suggest she is rethinking her position."
Have you ever thought that her being positive to you and suggesting the vacation is her way of rethinking her position? I mean, she said "You love vacations. I thought you would be all over this!!' Which means that she at least considered what you like.
Right now you are choosing to stay distant because you don't want to be hurt. I get it. But DBing is more than just GAL, it's actually reducing conflict so that positive interactions can occur. You've fallen into the trap that may LBSs go through in that they let the resentment build within them so much that they don't realize when things are getting better.
You say that the two of you get along together and go out together. What's the difference between that and the vacation? Right now you've distanced yourself quite a bit but in the last few weeks, you could try lightly touching her to see how she reacts and increase the positive interactions. If the vacation really bothers you, then you could tell her that you are not willing to open yourself to her while she is seeing another guy.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
