I am going to jump in here and add my 2 cents. First, let me say that I somewhat agree with this ---------v
Originally Posted By: MrBond
I'm not sure what you're confused about. She still lives at home right? You allow her to come and go as she pleases to visit the OM. She's never had to see the consequences of her actions and you've allowed her to do whatever she wants. Why wouldn't she ask you to go on vacation together?
You have mentioned that your detachment may be interpreted as coldness towards W. Is there a chance that she is feeling that coldness, and therefore she may be realizing that you may not be waiting for her indefinitely. She might be warming up, because you are cooling off. Like Mr. Bond says, why wouldn't she cake eat. The cake is right there and it's calorie free, no consequences! I would not drastically change my direction if she is seemingly warming up. Do what works.
I personally feel if W is enjoying time with you and family, then you should by all means play into that. What better way to re-establish a relationship, then by HAVING a relationship. She initiated the vacation proposal. She is pursuing you, at this point. Spend time with her. Do things with her. Set your boundaries and make them clear, VERY clear. You stated just a short time ago that you were considering putting a "crisis" into the situation to cause an effect. If you are not okay going on vacation with W while OM is in the picture, say "a vacation with you would be wonderful, but I am not okay with vacationing with you while you are seeing OM". That's clear as day, and it sets a boundary and shows a consequence for her.
