I'm not afraid to take a stand.......

[LoisB]

Maybe, "Could you be more specific?"

[Whiterose]

My response
In regards to?

His response
How we are splitting everything ? Do you still plan on buying the house ?
I have a notice from your lawyer saying it's happening dec 13/13

[Wonka]

WR,

H is fishing for information. Don't fall for that. Tell him that you are busy at the moment and will get back to him later today. Then get on the phone with your lawyer asap and get her side of the story regarding December 13th. I'm assuming that's the letter regarding the court appearance.

Stay strong. We're here for you!

[LoisB]

Yeah, he's trying to lure you into his net. He's feeling it and wants to spread the joy. Stay on your side of the street. Let him wave his arms and do cartwheels.

You don't have to deal with any of this stuff, hence the attorney. He's not liking the reality of divorce.

Listen to Wonk.

[Wonka]

WR,

I'm going to share a bit about my experience with Ms. Wonka to give you some options in your dealings with H.

Initially, Ms. Wonka and I were working towards meditation. From the get go at the first meeting with my own lawyer, my instructions to my lawyer was to treat Ms. Wonka with respect and integrity. It went pretty well for a while. Then her lawyer got a bit aggressive and somewhat threatening in a letter addressed to me. After reading the letter, I said to myself "That's it. We're not going to mediation. Let the lawyers handle it from here and on." And instructed my lawyer accordingly--removing the mediation from the table completely. That was my enforceable boundary and I put in place a consequence. I was clear and firm with it.

Then a few times Ms. Wonka texted me. I got really annoyed with them and informed my lawyer that Ms. Wonka was texting me. My lawyer relayed to her lawyer that I requested NO contact at all from Ms. Wonka. Then she backed off on texting. When it came to the legal stuff, I just let my lawyers handle the communications and details. They discussed with me what the other side offered then I'd respond on some details that I agreed to and some other details that I didn't agree with. It was all strictly business and negotiation.

This whole process protected me emotionally, financially, and legally. Also helped alleviate unnecessary stress for me knowing that my legal team had my back the whole time.

[LoisB]

White? I hope you are ok. Vent if needed.

[Whiterose]

Thank you for sharing that with me Wonka.

I talked to my lawyer today and she said she had said no such thing. She laughed and said he was crazy. I said I've told you that.
That we have our judicial case conference that day and if we can decide everything I may be given a time frame in which to take over the mortgage. There will be no orders given that day unless it is something we both agree to. She's also thinking that we haven't heard from his lawyer as they are going to argue my income and I may not get the spousal and child support I need. She also said she doesn't mind if I meet him to see what can be resolved as I have my wits about me and that I won't be bullied into anything.


As I'm typing this h responded to my earlier "I'm in the middle of something I'll get back to you in a bit" text with
"Ok. If I don't hear from you by end of day I will assume you are wanting to go to court"

He wants to put this on ME. So that when he tells people how unreasonable I am and how I made us go to court he's justified. I know he's baiting me but what an SSS. How do I take the emotion out of this? I don't know how. I'm really upset. How do I not go over to his work and be the crazy bitch he's a using me of.......

I'm so upset and low and confused. And hurt. Really, really hurt

[Wonka]

WR,

I am sorry that you're hurting right now. This isn't a walk in the park for sure! Glad to hear that you spoke with your lawyer.

As for spousal and child support, I'm going to let Ellie, Job and others with experience to chime in with suggestions as it is way out of my realm of experience.

First things first, you need to find a way to get yourself centered and grounded to calm down. Take a long walk out in nature. Mother Nature's job is to restore your down spirits and uplift it.

You may want to respond in this way:

"I am willing to meet with you to hear you out and listen to what you have to say. Let's be clear on one thing: you did initiate this whole process and need to take responsibility for it. Please give me some dates and times. Thank you, WR"

[job]

Well, it looks like Butter cup wants to bully/pressure you into making a decision right here and now about meeting or going to court. That just rubs me the wrong way and I can see what he's trying to do. Fishing for information about the mortgage. You know what? Don't give him any info about the mortgage, i.e., let him think that this is going to happen on 12/13. He's just really out there and apparently needs money desperately.

I like Wonka's response and I would use it. It's time to smack that darn ball back on his side of the court. Keep it business like and I'm going to warn you...he knows what buttons to push and he's going to be pushing them. Don't give him a lot of info because he'll turn around and use it against you.

He's desperate and when they are desperate, they will do whatever they have to in order to get what they want. Do not allow him to corner you and emotionally and verbally abuse you. You still hold the key to something he wants and until he starts acting like a human being and can speak to you in a kinder and respectful tone, I wouldn't give him much of anything in the way of info.

What a total @ss.

[RosaLinda]

Oh WR, I'm sorry you are going thru this. H is really trying to push your buttons, and seems to be doing a pretty good job of it.

I do not understand this statement: "She's also thinking that we haven't heard from his lawyer as they are going to argue my income and I may not get the spousal and child support I need." In the first place, didn't your income just take a big hit? And is child support dependent on both incomes in Canada? Here the non custodial parent pays a certain percentage of his or her income. It doesn't depend on the custodial parent's income, as it is a responsibility to the child, not to the parent.