Divorce on the table, Hoping for miracle

[Groov]

Starting a new thread here.

Old thread:
WAW or MLC Not sure... Left without saying much

[KikiDoll]

Groove,

I just spent the last hour reading through your sitch and I am amazed by your strength. I, too, am in LIMBO and I hate it! My difference is that H is still in the house, so DB is different.

H mentioned S/D 3 months ago and no move/action has been made. I am beginning to take more time for me, GAL, PMA, DBing, but since he works so much, it is hard due to S6...the light of my life.

I look forward to following your journey and learning from you. It appears to me that you are making some wonderful changes and can only grow stronger!

[NeedingMore]

HI Groov...

I am still in moderation so this is probably not going to show up for a bit...I too just spent forever reading your entire thread! Sounds like you are having a down period. Ups and downs. I am also going through a rough patch. Even though I have not been posting, I have been here reading a ton and have been DBing for 4 months as well. I was thinking so positively about my sitch that I didn't think I needed to post, and now here I am. So, maybe this is a typical time (4 months) for a downswing. I just wanted to tell you that even though I don't know everything about your sitch prior to her leaving, your posts have given me a new hope today. I have literally been down on my knees all day in pain and agony over my sitch. I feel like a crazy woman. Your posts gave me strength knowing that I am not alone, but also that there are men out there like you!!!! Keep going! Don't give up!!

[Groov]

So.... Met with W last night at Olive Garden.... She basically ran me through the D Process that her attorney explained to her.

The talk started out by me saying "I want to be clear here, I do not want a divorce" W replies "I know"

I then sat and listened to her whole sch-peel. Custody, finances, property, child support.

I Db'd my butt off. Listened, good eye contact, asked questions. We didn't talk about the R, she didn't bring it up. She teared up a couple of times. I maintained a positive demeanor. Looking into her eyes repeating "Peace, be still" and "I love you more than you'll ever know" in my mind.

We finished dinner and gazed into each others eyes for a good long while. I reached across the table and we held hands, she held tight. After a while I said I need to go. As we walked to the door, she says "I hate olive garden now". We held hands as we walked. We gave each other a long hug, as we broke she kissed me on my neck. I paused pulled back a little and Kissed her on her lips. She pulled away first, (1 1/2 second kiss). I then walked out the door with blank Divorce papers in hand.

Need advise on DB'ing now. She wants divorce, she was prepared in her thinking of the finances and such. I don't want this divorce! What do I do here?

Another note, I had a very unusually profitable year this year. about double what I normally make (part time realtor commissions). The child support is now based off of that. Which is double of what it would be normally. I am worried... I want to do the right thing by my children. Supporting two households will be a burden that I am not sure we can handle financially.

I have been suspecting another person... but am not sure. She is an alien... My IC is very surprised with what is going on...

[Groov]

KikiDoll,

Thank you so much for reading my sitch. I am trying so hard to make the needed changes, stay positive and keep going. I wish my W was still home and she could see how I've changed. Even so I know she must see change... She is so alien to me right now.

I am beginning to take more time for me, GAL, PMA, DBing, but since he works so much, it is hard due to S6...the light of my life.

I always have to remind myself the all these things are done for us. If spouse notices and warms up, Great! But this is all about you. I need a reminder to detach today

[AnotherStander]

Need advise on DB'ing now. She wants divorce, she was prepared in her thinking of the finances and such. I don't want this divorce! What do I do here?

Only one spouse is needed for D. You can't stop it. You can maybe slow it down, but the consensus here is that if you try you will just anger your WAS and it will do more harm than good. So let her drive the process, but cooperate. If she asks you for info, provide it in a timely manner.

Another note, I had a very unusually profitable year this year. about double what I normally make (part time realtor commissions). The child support is now based off of that. Which is double of what it would be normally.

That's a question for a lawyer. Hire one, even if it's just to consult with on questions like this. Make sure you're protected.

I have been suspecting another person... but am not sure.

If you suspect it then it's 99% probable. There almost always is an OP. If you're in a no-fault divorce state then it doesn't matter as far as the D is concerned.

[Groov]

Nicole,

Thank you for your post. You have no Idea how this has helped me today!

Your posts gave me strength knowing that I am not alone, but also that there are men out there like you!!!! Keep going! Don't give up!!

You have touched on my LL here! I hate that I question myself and my value because of what W is doing... Your post has given me strength (more than you can imagine), Thank you!

[Groov]

I said a hard prayer this morning. I asked that I could have complete acceptance of my sitch, to move on... Don't get me wrong I would love to Reconcile. I am only 4 months into my Sitch, I have changed so much in my heart. I have been relying on my God.

I am hoping for a miracle here...

Groov

[jp787]

GS,

I am sure you are scared and hurting, I hope you can find something to ground yourself with. This is just part of what is happening and doesn’t dictate what tomorrow will be.

AS gave you great advice, I agree 100%.

Try to keep your focus on making yourself healthy, you will survive this. As hard as this is, it is what needs to happen and if you keep your focus on making yourself the best you can be then the best outcome will happen, even if it doesn’t seem that way.

Hang in there and keep posting.

[Groov]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! JP and AS. I am taking your advice to heart and following it.