oh, and further down the road, when you can start piecing together what in her past are the stimuli for the current responses...you will find the is actually a method, a strange logic, to the madness.
The funny thing is, I can pretty clearly put together the pieces of why this is happening to her. Her roots are right there for me too see because I know her better than anyone. W has even admitted that she's lucky she's not more screwed up than she is. I've read enough about MLC and "chaos kids" to easily look at my troubled bride and understand why she is where she is. She is currently exploring through social media, texting, flirting, sexting, etc. all that freedom that she missed.
-Runaway mother at age 12 made her ultimately responsible for her father and her brother. Mom ran to several men over the years of disconnect and was gone during W's teenage and formative years. She became homemaker and caretaker at age 12.
-Father who never thought she was good enough. A 98 on a test should have been 100. A double in softball should have been a triple.
-Tight connection to grandparents and extended family that have all died at this point. Last grandmother passed away in the spring. (One of her triggers.) W had drifted away from her.
-First sexual encounter was when she was raped at age 16 by an acquaintance. It took her 20 years and the onset of her MLC to ever tell me the details.
-Complete loss of identity. Only window in her life where she was an individual was when I met her in college and fell in love with that beautiful, vibrant woman.
She has at least 3 different and distinct personalities (children) that exist and need to be reconciled and integrated. 1-Rejected child that is constantly seeking the approval of others, especially men. 2-Nurturer, mother that feels the need to take care of everyone and everything. I don't need anyone syndrome. 3-Wild child that is free and gets to enjoy herself physically, sexually, etc.
When she makes it out of the tunnel, I understand that there most be integration of each of these personalities. During her journey as I get it, she has to revisit all of these crises and close the doors on them. Each of these "children" will be integrated into W 2.0 that survives this mess. Problem with them all is that they have to do the work and have to realize at some point what is happening. Other problem is the wide path of destruction.
Sorry for the analysis. I'm trying so hard to understand why my beautiful bride has turned into this selfish being that I'm living with now.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
