I was reading over your sitch a bit. I'm sorry your here, the holidays are tougher for sure.
I think the hardest part for me at the beginning was really not understanding that my wife was DONE. I always had in my mind that she was going to change her mind, snap out of it, come to her senses, realize she was breaking up our family.
This is really a mindset you need to find, and find fast, right now there is NOTHING you can do to make her come back in ANY way. The only thing you can do is make things worse actually. Man, I know exactly whats going thru your mind, I've soooo been there.
Its sad, but this early in the sitch, we tend to take things, even the smallest things, and make the worst out of them in our minds. Its hard to find any positives in our lives, its hard to just get out of bed sometimes.
I know interactions are tough, your trying to pull of the impossible by not saying or acting the wrong way. It feels like an audition every encounter. Its not my friend, im sorry, but right now the only thing you can do is take care of yourself, your son, and back way off, give her TONS of space.
I know you need a little positivity right now, so im gonna give it to you. Your marriage CAN be saved, but you need to understand this is going to take a LONG LONG time, maybe a year or two. Can you comprehend that number right now? The old marriage is dead, period. One interaction isn't going to push it over the edge one way or the other, but a long progressive dedicated effort to become a new you. I know that feels impossible right now, but you can do it.
The 37 rules are there for you. I know you prob feel like they're only gonna make thing worse sometimes, I know your afraid of letting go in fear that she wont come back. But you have to understand she's already gone. Did you or a friend back in high school ever break up with a girlfriend only to have her cry and beg, follow you around like a lost puppy. How unattractive that was, and how it almost confirmed to you that you were making the right decision? Get what im saying?
You really need to limit the interactions right now, cause she's going to say some things that hurt even worse if you keep up with any pursuit. Do you understand how she probably left the marriage at LEAST a year ago, it took her until a few months ago to finally act on it.
I hope you can muster the courage for the steps you need to make, they'll help you I promise. Of course they don't always feel like it, but what your doing now isn't working either, right?
You might think she's being selfish, and that's a stage we all go thru. If you can love her enough to let her go, let her make her mistakes, all while addressing some issues of your own right now. The future isn't written. You can certainly play a part in making it brighter thou.
Hang in there, please!! If your doing your work, if your following the steps, it does get easier. Patience is the number one mood killer, so find some steps to work on that. What else are you doing to take care of yourself right now?
