Moved Back from Overseas to Figure This Out...

[S4tk]

labug,

I am discovering a few things:

1) I have some problems with wanting to "save" others from their problems.

2) I also have coping mechanisms that I go to when I want to avoid negative feelings. Some of the coping mechanisms are unhealthy, some are just neutral. But when I avoid negative feelings, there are two bad side effects: first, I learn less about myself and fail to see truth; second, when I cannot relate to my own negative feelings, or those of others like W, then I am blocking emotional intimacy.

3) I will be OK no matter what W decides.

4) After 5 months, I need to trust God for more patience because I feel myself getting resentful about this state of limbo.

5) To deal with #4 in a healthy way, I need to continue to GAL and I need to let myself feel the negative emotions, take them in, understand them, and use that new understanding to keep improving.

6) I feel guilty when I go to work. This is a random thing, but I need to figure out what this means.

7) Contrary to what I thought, I am a person of deep feeling (all the personality tests would always fall far on the thinking side so I think I ignored my feeling side) and I often react and act based from feeling and not rationale.

8) Losing weight and getting in shape makes me feel good. I was a "fat" kid and have never been happy with my health/body.

9) I love spending time with my kids and want them to feel loved always.

10) Detaching is what I need to do to keep sane and to improve myself, but I still have doubts about its efficacy in potentially saving the M. I don't like the tension there.

11) My whole nuclear family (the one I was born into) has problems comfortably expressing emotion.

There's probably more but I need to head out for IC.