I guess when you are in the moment, the things tha you do when you are trying to Reconcile with your spouse don't seem humiliating.

However, stepping back and looking at those same things with a clean perspective, i can certainly see how undignified I was.

Even looking back into our M and recognizing some of my more humiliating behaviors:

-Passive Agrressive (Mostly when W would not have sex)
-Neglectful (Due to spending too much time on games)
-Mean Spirited (Losing said games would put me in a bad mood)
-Unwilling to comprimise (Holiday traditions, finances, etc)
-Lazy (Was not doing my fair share around the house)
-Letting myself go (Physical health had dropped. Gained 30 pounds)

Being able to recognize these behaviors has allowed me to start changing them.

- I now more fully understand why my W didn't want to have sex with me, she was not having her needs met. Instead of taking it personally, I now realize that both parties need their needs met, and physical touch is MY love langauge. I would say that hers is Quality Time / Words of Affirmation would be hers.

- I no longer feel the need to play my game. Before it was literally like a drug. I thought about it all the time. It took up way too much space in my head. I let it become more important than spending time with my W. I now know what is truly important, and will not take that for granted.

- Having not as much invested into said game, i no longer feel like it swings my emotions. I have realized that it is JUST A GAME.

- I feel like letting her do her own thing right now, is a comprimise in itself. I am totally willing to work on comprimising if and when she decides she wants to R.

- I no longer come home and just sit around. I take care of the house. I do the dishes, I do laundry, make sure the dog is walked and fed, clean the catbox, feed the cats. I am trying much harder to make my home more comfortable for all involved.

- I have Shed those 30 pounds. Joined a gym, and found some new friends to lift with. I feel like i'm honestly in the best shape of my life. Working on bulking up another 15 or so pounds (muscle) and then shedding some body fat. One downside is that it's making me feel much more anamilistic. After i work out I really want sex. (w is not currently available for that)

I also feel like this whole experience has made me a better listener, and made me more empathetic towards other people's situations.


Small Journal:

No relationship talks for a week. Negative atitude from W has really diminished.

Last night she dropped off D before leaving to go to her girlfriends. I just got done working out, so I was feeling pretty good. Had a big grin on my face, and as she walked out I smacked her on the rear. She actually giggled!

I sent her one text about half an hour later with a song lyric that we both like (a song from when we were at our prime, with sexual undertones)

She replied with wink !!! (which is better than the usual... OMG STOP)


We have my work christmas party coming up on Saturday Night.
W agreed to go, and even bought a new dress for the occasion. We are going to go out dancing and drinking afterwards (My W loves dancing).

We also booked a hotel so that we wouldn't have to worry about driving home.

Not sure how this is all going to go down, I guess i'll wait and just let things happen.


M28 W27
D3
M 2years
Bomb 9/23/2013
Separated 11/17/2013
EA/PA Confirmed 12/5/13

Expecting Compliance is Control
What would you do, if you weren't Afraid?