Oh I should clarify. That last sentence was his response to me saying the line above (ending with "initiated")
My lawyer, when she presented his lawyer with my financials, did say I could purchase the house once my separation agreement was signed with me receiving so much in child support and so much in spousal.......there has been no response from his lawyer since then. A month ago. Then my lawyer sent the email, and a phone call, a week ago today, saying when can we expect child support. No response.
Our meeting with the judge, it's non-binding but things like child support which he has signed off on,, and filed with the courts, can be enforced as he's already agreed to them....in writing and filed.
I have only responded twice to him. Both times letting him know it's his decision as he initiated. Full stop. He needs cash. He has no furniture, as far as understand but could be wrong. It's getting cold out and getting colder in the next couple of weeks. S14 has not given a list of Christmas gifts yet and I did not bite Sunday when he was fishing for ideas, or whatever he was fishing for, and the court date is next Friday.
His response to my first text was quite angry and accusatory. I wonder if he can actually be rational in such a state? I'm thinking he's wanting us to sit down and hash this out over coffee.......it's the feeling get from him.
Do I say I'm willing to do this if I start seeing child support and back child support as well as the outstanding cheque? Ugggggg. Why can't he just say let's stop for Christmas??!?! I know. I know. But I can have a Christmas wish can't I?
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
The way I look at this with this additional information is that the papers are with H's lawyer and there's been no movement from their side despite your lawyer's efforts to get some type of response from the attorney.
With this complex business transaction, I think it would be best to stick with your lawyer to assist you in navigating and negotiating through this process. Making statements that you are "able to do it without lawyers" just makes it hard for you to back out. In the future, it would be advisable not to make these type of statements that will allow H to come back and accuse you of 'dishonesty.' Please keep this in mind, ok?
If I were in your shoes, I'd do the following in this order:
1) Wait for H's response to your recent text 2) Depending on the content of H's text, I would put forward to him: "The papers have been filed with your attorney. Please check with him/her since we have yet to hear back from him/her." Keep it simple and be sure that the onus is on H to get this moving along. 3) Regardless if he elects the court route or the mediation route, you'd still retain your lawyer to protect your interests
Ellie and Job may be able to offer some other suggestions and options.
WR, The more I think about your situation, the more I'm convinced that his lawyer did get in touch w/him today and I think he knows that if this goes before a judge, he will be court ordered to pay child support and he knows that it can then be enforced.
I honestly don't trust him, but I would listen to what he has to say and then make your decision...but understand, if you go the route he's suggesting, you might not get your child support on time and it most likely won't be enforced. He knows he's in the stew pot and he's hoping that you'll be so happy to get rid of him that you'll do anything to get it over with. WR, keeps your cards close to your chest and do not show him your hand.
Me, personally, I would meet him and see what he has to say, but under no circumstances sign or agree to anything without discussing it w/your lawyer. He's made a drastic turnaround it concerns me that you may get screwed over in this.
Again, you hold the golden key to his door of freedom. Don't trust him. He's not been reliable or the kindest man out there. Keep in mind that he's allow his sons go without support money for several months and the way that he has disrespected you time and again need to be kept in the back of your mind when making decisions based on trust. Put your business hat on and look at him as a potential client, but one that is in shady dealings.
It will cease when you finish this card game and I think your h is going to show his hand very soon. If he gets nasty, walk away...you don't need to be disrespected or bullied...he's the one that needs to be jumping through hoops to get what he wants, not the other way around.
Listen carefully to what he has to say, make direct eye contact often and repeat back to him what you have heard. At the end of the conversation, advise him that you need to think about what he's proposing and you'll get back to him. I'm willing to bet he's going to want to push you to make a decision right then and there...don't do it. Time is on your side and the 13 is a week away.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me, personally, I would meet him and see what he has to say, but under no circumstances sign or agree to anything without discussing it w/your lawyer. He's made a drastic turnaround it concerns me that you may get screwed over in this.
I would add to do this in a public place where's the people around you to protect yourself. For me, I'd rather go the phone route instead of in person because H seems so unstable and that's worrisome. With a phone call, you retain some control and can cut it short if he turns nasty. It is a choice that you'll have to be comfortable with, WR.
Thank you. Wonka the last text was to me, from H, his last statement was "I can do this without a lawyer if you can be fair". I've not said anything in regards to lawyers through the entire process. I only retained a lawyer once he served me and I had no choice.
I thought maybe to hear him out but I would NEVER sign papers without first showing them to my lawyer. I may not involve her in the discussions with h but she sure will be involved in the final response. I, also, just learned even just to file separation papers is $1000 and I cannot take over the mortgage until that is figured out and signed on the dotted line.
I think the thought of a judge is looming.....do we cancel the court date and see if we can do it ourselves and then set up another date if we can't? I can approach him about child support and if that fails see what my lawyer says about setting up temporary court ordered support. Does h honestly think this will be figured out in two hours????
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Please keep the court date as getting a date on the docket is time consuming and you don't want to piss off the judge at this critical juncture.
As for meeting with H, I'd suggest that you bring with you a blank notebook so you can jot down notes on what you agreed on and have H review it on site that you BOTH agree on. H is confused and not good with remembering things. You then can use it to fire off an email to your lawyer so they can draw up the agreement.
I suspect that H will disagree with you and may get angry if you are not so accommodating on his 'wishes'. Be prepared for this. You can say, "H, it appears that there's a difference of opinion on certain elements. It is best to let the court system step in to work out these differences."
WR, At this time, I would not cancel the court date. You've got plenty of time to do this. Your h is starting to panic because the date is only a week away and yes, he's heard from his lawyer and knows that he's caught between a rock and hard place. He's hoping to change your mind and bide some time to get things done his way. Trust me, when he made the comment about being fair, he certainly wasn't talking about you doing so. He's projecting on to you about himself and the situation...don't take that bit of bait. I heard those exact same words from my xh and I just laughed when he said them to me because nothing he did was fair at all.
I have a feeling he's not going to want to discuss this over the phone because he can't pressure you as much that way. He's going to want to sit down and talk to you about it and Wonka is absolutely right...do it in a very public place and he's going to want answers right then and there and if you don't agree, he's going to possibly get ugly and say all sorts of things. Be prepared for the worse and let's hope for the best. Be sure to have your car near by just in case you need to walk away. Just remember, you have the luxury of cutting the conversation short whenever you feel uncomfortable or it escalates to the point of getting close to an argument.
Yes, your h does think that everything will be figured out in a couple of hours and you'll be so happy to get it over and done with because it will be saving money in court fees. Don't forget, he's living in la la land and that's what they do there, i.e., flit all around and thing everything stops on a dime for them, i.e., the world revolves around them.
Whatever you do, do not agree to anything verbally or in writing. Tell him that you need to think about it and will get back to him. After that discussion, you will need to have a chat w/your lawyer to see her advice.
Stay as calm as you can. Keep your voice even and speak slowly and state specifics and stick to the issues at hand. This is going to be tough, but you will need to leave your emotions at the door for this meeting. I know you can handle this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ok. So my next message is a where and when message?
Do you feel that I only hear him out? Make no attempts at negotiations? Do do is I negotiate and at the end say once I have thought about things I'll get back to you?
I want to vomit!!
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
I have a suggestion. Job, would you be comfortable role-playing here for WR? It seems that WR is feeling out of sorts here and very nervous about her encounter with H. My thought is for me to act like H and you act like WR, Job. This way, WR will feel a bit more than ready for her face-to-face encounter with H.
Wait for his message and if he says to meet him somewhere. Ask him what time and where. I would arrive early so that you can get a good seat near the exit.
I think you should listen to what he has to say. You can try negotiating, but remember...he's looking out for his best interests and not the best interests of you and your sons. This why he's wanting to do this outside of the court...he doesn't want to have to spend his money on court fees nor be "forced" into paying child support at a certain time, nor be ordered to pay delinquent child support that is owed to you for your sons.
Once the discussion comes to an end, advise him that you need to think about what has be discussed and you'll get back to him. You see, I have seen this type of thing go down many times and it doesn't always end well. Why? Because you can't trust the MLCer. Today, he's willing to tell you what you want to hear and tomorrow he'll swear that is not what he said or agreed to. It's he said, she said conversation and if you don't have someone there as a witness to the conversation, then you have no proof that he agreed to anything you negotiated. Do you see where I'm going w/this? You would need to have a document typed up with your negotiated items/terms and the both of you would need to have it signed and notarized because I do not trust this man one bit. If he's not in agreement with having the document types, signed and notarized so that you can give it to lawyers, then the negotiation would be off the table...but you need to keep your lawyer in the loop and see what she advises you what to do. Do not agree or finalize any negotiations w/o her input. Okay?
No, you don't need to vomit! You can do this. You just have to keep your anger and emotions in check. You have to be on your toes and two steps ahead of him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
