Being the nice person isn't always fun!

[labug]

Good idea. If you do address it, less is more. There was a voice in the background, the kids didn't hear it but they might in the future.

The end.

[tigerlily78]

Sending hugs CC. My H didn't spend his birthday with us either, I know how much that hurts. Why in the world do they want to spend their birthday with a random tart they met a couple of months ago (A MONTH in my H's case) than with their kids? (Insanity is the answer).

job and labug have good advice for you. Especially since he already seemed to be sensitive to the idea that you were upset. Although I do wonder if he was just worried about you being upset because it's his birthday and he is off being a jerk... he may not realize you heard anything yet either. Keeping it short and to the point is a good way to bring it up either way.

[CallaghanClown]

I really don't feel like I can keep doing this. I'm struggling badly. I've not felt this low in weeks and I can't see a way out of it.

[Pudmuddle]

You are grieving CC. Let those feelings out somehow. Post your grief here, find a pillow and scream into it, cry in the shower, do something different and fun with your kids, or go for a long walk/run to get some endorphins up.

This cr@p is HARD.

There is hope, find it here on the boards with all the lovely people that support you.

{{{HUGS CC}}}

[tigerlily78]

CC, Pud is right. What you are feeling now is something all of us have been through. It's completely normal and necessary for you to process your grief and it understandably puts you in a low place.

You may cycle through the stages of grief many times over the next few weeks and months. Remind yourself that this is a low spot in a cycle, you can work through it. Don't bottle your feelings up though, make sure you write them out or break some plates or go exercising... something to let the emotion flow out of you. Holding on to it will only make it build.

[CallaghanClown]

Thanks guys. I've just had enough today. I don't want to have to deal with his drama. I want some time away from him but I can't because I can't trust him alone with the kids and there is nobody else here that will be around him.

I'm tired, I'm angry, I'm bored of his sh!t, I'm hurt that he doesn't want to see his kids on his birthday, I'm hurt he felt it appropriate to have a girl in the room (and possibly show her my kids) while on FaceTime to them. I'm upset that this isn't the man I've known for 18 years. It's not the man I loved 100%. I don't trust him, not just with me, but with my kids. He's incapable of censoring the things that come out of his mouth.

He's a scumbag low life and I just don't see how I'm going to keep going with him having to be in my kids life......forever.

I just thought that when people split that they carried on being good people, good parents. I never contemplated all this MLC stuff. Whenever my friends husbands left I could see they were horrible people prior to leaving. Or that they made every effort with their children to redeem themselves.

Every single parent I know is happy to hand their kids over the the father for a break. But I just don't get how I'm ever going to feel comfortable to do this. It's like handing them over to a stranger.......he was their father 3 months ago.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???

[makingmagic]

i have such a boot fetish!!! "these boots are made for walking...."

Rock on CC !!!

[Pudmuddle]

Oh CC, I'm sorry. You are a much better person and no one deserves to be treated this way.

I'm wondering if you setting some type of boundary would work for you? Only you would know what that is, but I wonder if it would help you feel more at peace. I agree with others that just because they are MLC does not give them the right to treat us rudely or like crap. Maybe there are some things you need to say to him to get it out. Just something to chew on.

I hate seeing you so down. HUGS to ya.

[CallaghanClown]

I'm seeing him today. I feel completely drained and sick by it all. I've hit a real low.

I'm less anxious than I would normally be by all this but still anxious

I'm going to address the subject tonight at some point. I'll report back how it goes. I can't let it slide if he thinks he can do as he wishes around my children.

[CallaghanClown]

Well I'm not sure what happened but I perked right up about an hour before he got here. Then when he got here I took one look at him and just didn't care who this girl was or what he was doing with her. He's not the man I married, he is a stranger and for as long as he's having supervised access to the kids, then I don't care who he's messing about with.

Things will change once he has time alone with the kids. Until then he's on his own, I'm not getting drawn into his drama. Don't get me wrong I'm not going to allow this behaviour to continue. I won't enable him, but I'm not prepared to show him my hand.

I'm not sure what he knows but I'm presuming he's feeling very guilty about whatever he's up to. He came in and instantly made me a cup of tea. He did tell me an inappropriate story in front of the kids, which I cut off and asked him to be more careful about what he talks about. He made a fuss about me going off to another room, he did this in front of the kids, so I felt I had to stay in the same room as him. I did leave for an hour or so for a cuddle with D4 in my bed. He ate with me, it's the first time he's eaten here since he left.

There were quite a few occasions when I had to say "I'm not sure how to answer that". For instance the hot water is broken, I called an engineer and H asked why I didn't let him know.

H also got his anti D's out and took them in front of me. I knew it was to demonstrate he's taking his meds.....which is great....but it's all for attention. He turned up all smartly dressed, but still looked a mess. He told me at least 5 times that he's not sleeping again. He started talking about moving into his own place (currently with a friend) for 6 months (1.5 hrs away) then moving back to where we live to be closer to the kids.

So again ignoring what he says and concentrating on what he does:

Made me tea, twice.

Asked me to collect the kids with him.

Ate dinner with me, at home.

Asked me to stay in the room with him and the kids.