Wife wants Divorce, I do Not

[RealityTrip]

Burning,

I feel your distress. I am very sorry you are hurting.

First, From what I can tell, you have not finished reading DB and/or DR. You need to do that for yourself. We are all here to support you but we are not MWD. You need to read and understand the principles that you are trying to apply.

You sent W a letter. Bump in the road, set back, we all have them. For a wife that has asked for space and time to herself that would be a pursuing behavior, and depending on what you wrote in it, it could be begging and pleading too. Letters from you have to stop.

When you think you are strong enough to listen to what she has to say, do just that. Listen. Do not give her the "bullet points" you are thinking. Don't offer some hero husband martyr speech about standing for what you believe in. You will push her away by implying that you are in some way superior morally to her.

Just listen. You don't know what she will say. Don't mind read and worry about what you don't know. Be polite and present but do not beg, plead, reason, cry, yell, fight or condescend. Listen to what she says, validate that you have heard her and if she wants some kind of response remember that you can take as much time as you need and even get back to her on it. Exit the converstion FIRST.

STOP talking to her friend. You won't get anything you think you need from that. Come here. Vent here. Cry here. LISTEN to the advice of the mentors like Cadet and Bond. This is not their first rodeo and they can really help you to help YOURSELF. Your marriage is second to you right now.

Stay in the calm. And like Kdog said... Read the 37 Rules and apply them immediately! In fact, I would say don't have any contact with W until you have at least read those. Print them off. Put them in your pocket. Read them every day. You will stay focused.

You can do this. I know you can.