Took the kids to my mom's farm for Thanksgiving, I think everyone had fun. The trip wasn't without some family drama, there is always friction between my dad and BIL but this time it really got ugly. But that's a story for another forum! My girls talked me into taking them Black Friday shopping, so we ventured out at around 11:00 pm. The mall was packed! It worked out well because they picked stuff out, I bought it and set it aside to give to them at Christmas. We ended up getting in bed around 2:30 am, ugh!
Originally Posted By: tori2012
1. There's no enthusiasm to reconcile
That's correct, and that's what I was trying to communicate.
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2. There's a hint of accusation: "you never went through it yourself, so you don't know how devastating it is."
I understand what you're saying, but there's a lot of history in my statement that's not being conveyed here. W and I have discussed this many times in the past going way back to before we were married, I have really opened up to her about the hurt I went through over my parents' divorce and the pain that I still carry to this day from it. She has always acknowledged that she didn't go through it and doesn't really understand how it could hurt as much as I've described. In fact it's one of the biggest reasons we were together for so many years before getting married and we've discussed that too.
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3. There's a threat: "I will never consider reconciling after that."
I don't see it that way and doubt W does. I know a lot of WAS's have a fantasy that years down the road they might reconcile with the LBS, I just want to make sure she understands that it's not a possibility.
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so you'll see what happens next
I really didn't expect any kind of response from her and didn't get any. We've communicated several times since about kid stuff (mainly upcoming bday and Christmas plans) but nothing more has been discussed about it. D is "full steam ahead".
Originally Posted By: Fartiltre
Why do you think you had the need to tell W about your stand?
Because the D is imminent, I'm just making clear to her that if there's any fiber in her being that is having second thoughts then she needs to act on that now rather than later.
Originally Posted By: suckerpunch
The only thing that has stopped me is the realization that it would only be for me.
Exactly right, and that's why I did it.
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W is making her decisions, and your input really is not on the table anymore in regards to what she takes into consideration.
Quite right, but that's nothing new, we've been S'd over a year and we ceased having input into each others' lives a long time ago.
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My guess is, she will use your letter as more fuel to flee
Nah, she was as "gone" as "gone" gets already. I think what I've learned over the last 18 months is that nothing I've said or done has changed that for her in the least. She is totally gone. I was cleaning some stuff off my computer and found all my notes from the MC we went through in June of last year. W said to the C that she felt "ambivalence" towards me. That word describes her attitude perfectly. There's no anger, hatred, spewing or anything of the sort. There's also no love or even "like" expressed. She's been completely ambivalent throughout. In the stories of reconciliation I've read, the WAS typically either continued to show some interest or they went to the opposite extreme of showing hostility. I've never read about an ambivalent, low-energy WAS that reconciled. The thing is, if a spouse is showing anger then they still have some kind of emotions for the spouse. And it's easier for negative emotions to transition to positive emotions then it is for love to emerge out of the absence of all emotion.
