Still trying to get up that great Big Hill...

[Pudmuddle]

I can't tell you how nice it was to come here and see all of your posts of support and hugs. It boosted my PMA quite a bit

JF, thanks for the hugs. Being alone is something I am going to have to find peace with, and I am slowly getting there.

3, thanks for the hugs. I have often wished I had more kids just so I would have some little ones to help brighten the day, they sure do at times! You are lucky to have that. And I did check out the rec center classes, they have lots going on and I can pay as I go so I don't have to be locked into anything right now. I did yoga quite a while ago and really liked it, so we shall see. Might be pilates to help with toning of this ol' bod.

Ambi, thanks for being there. I love alliteration, I used to joke around with my Dad about silly things like this, so it makes me feel good inside.

S4tk, I appreciate your support. I'm so glad you too, have a little one that can boost your pma. Maybe I need to grab some kids off the street and hug them...wait, that would be creepy. :)I think because my S is nearing a fully independent phase that hits me a little harder too, during these tough times.

tiger, my fave tiger, I would LOVE to exchange numbers!! LOL. Too bad there isn't more ways to communicate on here, but they have their reasons. I would love to meet everyone here in person, that would be so amazing. Next time I drive around, I will definitely be thinking of you! Too bad I can't just drive over for a visit.

I didn't end up going to the library. I stayed at work for quite a while just reading on mlc stuff. Then I took myself to dinner at Whole Foods and then stopped by the Rec Center. By the time I got home it was 9:00 and both my boys were home.

Apparently H didn't feel like going to karate so he and S stayed home! I was like Oh. H seemed kind of down too. I'm wondering if my snuggle the other night got to him or he had a fight with Floormop. He seemed really tired and said he didn't sleep that night. Hmmm....

But the minute I got home he was sharing and rewinding this tv show about buying houses in Hawaii. We have always loved watching these together in the past because we have taken many trips outside the U.S., usually tropical places. So I was taken in by the fact that he was so insistent that I watch parts of this show, and he shared LOTS of his thoughts on it. Again, Hmmmm....

Then after a bit I touched his leg and he looked at me, in the eyes actually!! and I said 'G'night hon, I'm going to bed'. And he immediately said 'Me too, I'm real tired'.

But this morning, you know what? I woke up SINGING! It was so awesome and for some reason it was an old tune, for the life of me I can't remember the name of it, but it was a happy song.

I also realized, I am dealing with my sadness and grief with these past plethora of pity parties, and I also woke up with extreme peace this morning. I thought ya know if he asked for a D (of which he still never has spoken the words, I think he really thinks he has because of his fog), I would say Ok! do what you need to do, and I really would be ok.

I WILL be OK.