Thanks JonF. I have been working hard to make sure that I am always looking my best, not only for H but for myself. I have pretty much been pregnant or recovering from being pregnant for the past six years. But I am at my lowest weight since I met H 15 years ago. I am in good shape. I have started to buy new clothes since I am at my goal weight. I got new makeup (and learned how to apply it). Started doing my hair differently in order to mix things up. I know that H has noticed the changes. But more importantly, I feel great. H slowly chipped away at my self esteem over the past couple years. I am not going to let him control my view of myself anymore.
H come over to the house last night to finish hanging the outside lights. He did not come in. I did not even realize that he was outside for a while, but saw his car as I was putting the kids to bed. I saw him pull away and sit in front of the house in his car for a while. I wondered what he was thinking/feeling as he sat outside our home knowing that we were all inside together enjoying our evening and he was outside alone. I guess that H must really have been hurt in our M to be ok with it and to think that this is his only option.
H also sent an email asking if he could hide our Elf on the Shelf on his nights with the kids. H has always done this for the kids and I can see that he is missing it this year. I have been pretty creative so far and has gotten a good laugh at my hiding spots. I am planning to tell him that he can do it on his nights. I don't want to be angry and refuse to let him do it and force him into getting his own place. I don't want to go down that path.
