RealityTrip is back from her voyage into "Me" Land

[RealityTrip]

Bug

How much faith do you have? My love has more faith than she deserves. My intellect does not trust her strength to not waffle back and forth. I think she will prolong the withdrawl. I think I'm in for a bumpy ride.
Would she tell you the truth if she had contacted AP? If I asked her... yes. But I think she is still capable of lying by omission. Not telling me things under the guise of protecting me from what she justifies as not a big deal.

If she did contact, what does that mean for you? Ouch. Tough one. I am struggling with that answer. I run some excuses in my head on how it takes a while to truly end an A. blah blah blah. And I'm certain it comes from the fear of having to enforce a NC boundary when my education in this process has taught me it's almost certain I will have to deal with it (I just did with the xAP's love letter) I need some time on this one Bug. Thank you for asking it. I really need to focus on what this boundary is/will be and my resolve to protect myself. I've come too far to step back in time where the A is concerned.

What is/was the deeper problem in your R? What was happening that made AP look so great? Has that changed? Our deeper problem was sheer neglect. Emotionally, spiritually, sexually. We hit a severe financial crisis and just about lost everything. In depression, we stopped taking care of one another then we started to resent one another. I'm working very hard on my side of the street. I haven't seen significant change in W yet, but I feel she is only now beginning to look inward and that's where it all takes place. I feel like I can give her that time to work on herself. AP was a distraction from all of the loss. They worked on the road together with a company expense tab. There was no financial ruin and fear with AP. AP was a social butterfly with zero responibilites and no bills. Since W has been away, I have settled most of my own debt, gone back to school to further my income, and met, developed and maintained new friendships and a social life. Interesting this question brings that up... W has mentioned all three of those things in the past few days. My 180's make her a little jealous.

She will only change when she really needs to change and that comes from within herself.

And perhaps she can change when she wants to be that person who is worthy of the love and respect of RT. The RT who isn't controlling her, or snooping on her but is allowing her the freedom to make her own decisions but who also has boundaries that protect her.

She may not be that person...there is only one way to find out.

Love this. I've thought about what it takes to rebuild trust. It will have to be earned, but she can't earn it if I don't give her that chance. It has to come from her. If it doesn't, then she's not the person I want to be with. I won't settle for anything less.