I know I am afraid of my anger. so I smooth over and avoid it.
A year from now... we may be divorced. I believe we will continue to behave in the same way. polite, nice. H doing his thing. me doing mine.
Not because you have anger, but because you are afraid of it. I have been very similar all of my life. I do agree you need to find a safe way to vent that anger, but it's not likely your H will be around for a long time. By the time he is, you will have moved on. He is a fool, but then again I'm guessing he didn't ask for this either.
As for your anger. I know for me it was a scary thing to me as a child. I could get so angry I lost control of my thoughts and actions. I didn't like that. I was five when I realized that. I realized as well that if you're that angry others can control you. Funny how that works, but is a truth I've come to know. Why are you afraid of your anger?
As a Christian you've lived long enough to know that life is life. That the goal is not to be married, or rich, or beautiful or at peace, or .... etc. How's that shaping up for you in all of this?
Again, I agree you have to be able to say you tried everything. I think you've done what you could, but I also think unless and until you deal with that anger, not outwardly, but inwardly, you aren't at your best. He's done what he's going to do, but it'll get worse. You think at this point he'll be in your lives forever - he may not. For a variety of reasons, he may not be. Heck, you may not be. So let's not get ahead of the horse in this one, right? I think it's better to unwind the string ball one string at a time and figure out what's best for you regardless what he does or does not do.
I think my ex thought we'd be cordial and polite and friendly as well. She started cheating/lying etc when my youngest was 10. We were married for 20 years when it was all said and done. She said she wanted to be friends etc, but just didn't want to be married any longer. That devolved into much more - she accused me of all kinds of things from beating the kids to cheating on her etc. In other words, it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her and her own mind. She told me at the time there was nobody else etc. She remarried less than a year after the divorce was finalized.
In other words, you can only control you. The rest is not something you are qualified to predict. Instead, focus in on you - you can control you and there are some things that need dealing with.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
