Would she tell you the truth if she had contacted AP?
If she did contact, what does that mean for you?
What is/was the deeper problem in your R? What was happening that made AP look so great? Has that changed?
I hope I can write this so it makes sense. If she contacts AP this time, it really doesn't change anything, even if she doesn't tell you. You're both still the same people. It doesn't make you stupid for not knowing and it doesn't make her a "bad" person, she's just as flawed as the rest of us.
However if she does it once, she'll probably do it again, and again and you will find out eventually.
She will only change when she really needs to change and that comes from within herself.
And perhaps she can change when she wants to be that person who is worthy of the love and respect of RT. The RT who isn't controlling her, or snooping on her but is allowing her the freedom to make her own decisions but who also has boundaries that protect her.
She may not be that person...there is only one way to find out.
I think the problem for most of us isn't trust, it's dealing with the consequences of broken trust, it's having strong boundaries. The what do I do if... If you know what you will do if, then you'll be OK, eventually.
I love this quote from David Richo: “The foundation of adult trust is not "You will never hurt me." It is "I trust myself with whatever you do.”
As I'm writing this, I'm looking out on the most amazing sunrise which I am just delighting in. No matter what goes on in our lives, some things are constant.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
