Not much to update. Continue to GAL- awesome Santa race with D today lmao!! I invited H but he said no then wished he would have gone (where is the eye roll-y icon??) But...while I was gone he did a TON of stuff around the house (I mean a LOT) first time in forever.
He was gone by the time we got home, but left me a note about all the little jobs and that he would decorate my porch next weekend. Also asked if it was okay he put a tree out front (I said of course, and suggested we cut it down from one of the neighbours to save money , just to lighten that statement)
I also told him how great having all the things done made me feel, and explained that I knew there were things I couldn't do on my own ( I have never asked him to do stuff) and learned to let them go. So when I don't have any expectation of these things being done, it's like Christmas!!! And I thanked him.
I also apologized for all the years I expected him to come home after a long commute and full time work and do stuff around the house, but now I have a huge understanding of all he did.
I used to expect him to do things and then be upset with the things he didn't do instead of grateful for the things he did.
Just my own growth realizations here.
Threw out last night how I thought this house would be too big for me after D is gone. H protested. I calmly said that if he wanted to keep house he could buy me out.
He said if I get job in city we could switch places. I replied that I didn't want his place and would find my own. That kind of stopped him a bit.
As per a convo we had last night, H still doesn't believe everything I say, although it was a hypothetical conversation. I said it didn't matter what he thought I believed and he couldn't know what I believed. Whatever. Whack a Spouse hammer....
That's it. Still plodding along. Happy December all!!
Happy December to you too Ruby! Your GAL sounds fun!
Continue on your journey... You sound good!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
The other night I brought up regrets and said that H regrets everything. He said I don't regret the things you think I do.
I replied later on that he said never wanted children and if he had the chance he wouldn't do it again.
Turns out he thinks he is a lousy parent and father. I disagreed (he argued) and I said that I did not give him the chance to be a parent very much and for that I was sorry.
I've had my "I am a crappy parent" moments, but never did I believe it to be tue day in and day out.
Now, his relationship is better. I don't butt in, but any advice on fostering the relationship between H and kids without seeming to be pushy or controlling?
I've asked his advice and gone with it in certain situations. Asked him to speak to S17 about xyz on occasions. He spends one night with D, just them and I don't set any "eat this, do that, blah blah" like I would have before, and LOOK!! Everyone is still alive and the world is still turning. Who knew?
I know right now my H seems to think I am working behind the scenes to "make" my son initiate contact and ask him for time. But my son is 14... yes he has Asperger's, but the kids is smart, he sees things happening, he knows he misses his Dad. He has asked to do things that address that. My H can't seem to wrap his head around it.
Maybe giving the kids projects/tasks that are thoughtful that THEY can invite H to help or engage in would be good. It has to be things the kids are interested and excited to do so the experience is good, clearly. I don't think you can really do much on the H side of the equation until he is ready to do it on his own.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
Oh I see your son is 17. I didn't see your D's age posted recently.
Since they are not tiny, maybe something like the kids asking for a movie night with H, where they make some snacks and watch some funny movie or cartoons they used to watch together this time of year. Like Frosty and The Grinch and those things. Kind of a nostalgia thing... one last time before they are all grown and out of the house.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
Good ideas Lily. S17 is in city, but D14 is with me. We are cutting tree in two weeks and next week H is coming over to do some jobs. Maybe we will put in a movie like you said.
With the tree, I will let D ultimately pick tree and interact as hopefully H will cut it down this year (I hope lol...took me forever last year....lmao)
Today H posted a song on FB. It was about falling in love and how the future seemed bright and the demons were gone...blah blah. That 'I can kiss you without committing treason...i have earned it because I did my time alone'
This goes through my head: Is it about me? Is it about someone else? Did he just post it cuz he likes the songwriter? Or did he post it to screw with my head?
Then, as I think of these things, they leave my head and I realize I don't care. H will do what he does. Oh and I am a little p*ssed at "done my time alone..." Right. LMAO
You know the bed feels warmer Sleeping here alone You know I dream in color And do the things I want
You think you've got the best of me Think you've had the last laugh Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down Think that I'd come running back Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter Footsteps even lighter Doesn't mean I'm over 'cause you're gone
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
You heard that I was starting over with someone new They told you I was moving on over you You didn't think that I'd come back I'd come back swinging You try to break me But you see...
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter Footsteps even lighter Doesn't mean I'm over 'cause you're gone What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger Just me, myself and I What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone Thanks to you I got a new thing started Thanks to you I'm not the brokenhearted Thanks to you I'm finally thinking 'about me You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning In the end... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter Footsteps even lighter Doesn't mean I'm over 'cause you're gone
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone I'm not alone
Have you heard the song 'Say Something' ? Great Big World? You'd think that I would have tears in my beer, but as I thought of saying this to H all I felt was peace and love (yup, definitely something in the water, or a surprise lobotomy) Anyway, I am sure I'll freak out somewhere soon
Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one, if you want me to. Anywhere, I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I am feeling so small. It was over my head I know nothing at all.
And I will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love Just starting to crawl.
Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere, I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I will swallow my pride. You're the one that I love And I'm saying goodbye.
Say something, I'm giving up on you. And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. And anywhere, I would have followed you. Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you. Say something...
, just to lighten that statement)