It’s been a very long time since I poked my head through these doors.
My time is sucked up by the 'duty sponge' around here, plus I’ve become increasingly resistant to anything that will cause me to turn around and look back into last year. For me... it’s like peering into the “killing ground”...
Nevertheless, I wouldn’t feel comfortable disappearing on my bb buddies without a trace... So now that my husband is off vacationing in Alaska with his sister for the week, I'm going to use this opportunity to say ... “Hello”.
First things first.
I’m up to 108lbs now. YEA! My hair is no longer coming out by the handfuls, YEA, YEA! I have a lot more grey hair now. Ah... No "Yea" there. And... I only experience anxiety and panic attacks on rare occasions now. Happy about that I am!!!
Emotionally, I’ve leveled off a bit more and actually find myself intensely caught up with making plans for the future. My husband and I have recently purchased a parcel of land in the country and are looking forward to digging in and settling down on our earth-friendly homestead...that is, after my caregiving duties are completed here, naturally.
We’re socking away every dime we can spare in order to start building, that is, after robbing the equity out of our “Parkside” property in order to purchase our land. I look forward to selling that haunted house (Parkside) and all it's spooks, as soon as possible.
My marriage appears to be on-track now, even though my husband still grapples with bouts of depression from time to time. Luckily, it's not as often nor as severe as in the past.
For myself, I continue to rendezvous with certain memories, and periodically I feel the need to purge a batch of residual rage. Fortunately, I've been too busy to dwell in that contorted dimension long enough to cause any real damage.
I’m gradually learning to maintain a thin but effective wall of detachment, which in turn, is creating a comfort zone for the both of us.
