Look what the cat dragged in! (TL)

[tigerlily78]

Happy Early Birthday Pud.

H was home most of the day today. It was kind of nice, even if he did spend most of it hidden away in his office. He came home on the early side. We had some cuddling and "favors" for both of us. I did have to ask for mine, but he was very willing when I mentioned it. I guess that I turned him down twice may have sent the message I wasn't going to. So willing I think giving me goodies was almost enough for him to get a cookie himself. Rawr.
At one point I asked him what he would think if I changed my mind about the ML boundary. He said he would love that, but he thought I would be disappointed with myself afterwards. Interesting.

A little post shower talk and he lets me know the check engine light came on in the car, he thinks for now it is something we can put off getting fixed. Car seems to be running fine at the moment, probably an sensor needs to be replaced. Luckily we don't have to pass emissions again for a whole year.

We spent enough time in bed he "had" to work from home today (I told him two or three times that he probably needed to stop what we were doing and go get ready for work. Guess he wasn't that motivated to go in to the office.

He wore a plain white t-shirt and pajama pants all day. THAT is what I am used to seeing, not the "I have to dress up just in case someone calls me for lunch or I decide to go on a walkabout in the middle of the day to spend some money." I made him lunch. He trusted me to take the debit card to the grocery store today, but did ask me to send him the list of what I was getting first. I will take that as progress.

When I got home and returned the card, we had a brief talk about how much I spent. Yes, again it seems like a lot to him. He asked what I bought that wasn't on the list. I mentioned 2 things, one was basically for him. I mentioned that we have been getting by recently spending a lot less than usual on groceries. He might want to consider setting a budget of what he thinks is reasonable or responsible to spend when he is going out. I mentioned I *know* that we have some big expenses around the corner, not just Christmas, but potentially dealing with the car issue, doing the roof, dues for scouting, etc. That he is basically in control of everything I spend, he should know I am not the one spending money money on unnecessary things and that it DOES irritate me to feel like I am being raked over the coals for buying groceries and I am intentionally giving up things so that he can turn around and spend a bunch of money on someone else. That it would make me a lot more comfortable if he set a budget He brings up the fact that "before your sister came to stay with us, I had barely spent any money on myself for YEARS." I tell him I understand that, but what happened in the past doesn't mean we don't have bills to pay today. I also don't mind him spending a little money on himself here or there, but I don't feel like son and I should be rationing the slices of a loaf of bread while he is off taking someone else out to eat for tons of meals. So, yes this made him defensive and want to end the conversation, even though I was very calm and matter of fact in my delivery. He says he knows he needs to do something about making sure I have a little cash on hand for things like that, but he just hasn't had time to plan anything. (What is there to PLAN? He takes money out at the stores all the time, it isn't rocket science. He just has to actually decide to do it and follow through. Of course previously the idea of me having any cash was abhorrent because I can't be trusted... so I guess this is a small shift in his thinking at least).

I don't want to keep mentioning the money situation, but I have yet to see that he is taking this idea seriously. And it could be a serious problem this month. Also, he left a bag in the car that had like $10 worth of stuff from a discount/novelty store for son. I asked if this meant he was also planning to do all the Christmas shopping with OW and cutting me out of the process. He says, "no. I just stumbled across that stuff while I was out and decided to get it." There was a tag from some other thing he bought, but I can't figure out what it was. Certainly for OW. He bought something at two big box stores over the weekend too... I think one thing he bought was a new version of the black European driving cap. Ugh. (more on that later)

He keeps using the time my sister stayed here as the new crux/time point of reference SO many of his gripes. Apparently me helping out a family member in need and spending a little extra money to take her and son out to do things when we DID finally have family in town is the source of all his financial misfortune. And since I did that (I did tell sister she could stay here temporarily without directly asking him, THAT was a mistake I see in retrospect and I HAVE apologized and owned up to it, but still ALL the gosh dang resentment. I swear he has never forgiven me for a single mistake I have made in the past 16 years).

Made him and son dinner, son quit the game in order to eat dinner while it was warmish, H did not but did eventually eat all his dinner. They played some more until we had to leave for son's activity.

Got home, H was getting ready to leave. He was drying off when I came into the bedroom. Some half hearted modesty with the towel... kind of funny. I did just see his nakedness this morning after all. He wrapped in his towel and gave me a hug. Maybe my body language said I was asking for it, I don't know. My hands were too cold and he pulled away with a yip. He came down in a shirt and a towel not long after and asked if we had any desserts. I told him son and I saved him the last piece of Pumpkin Pie. He ate the pie in the kitchen. Some small talk between the three of us. Before he went back upstairs I initiated a "make up" hug since he had a shirt on and my hands had warmed up. It was a good hug. He mentioned he was "even letting my junk touch you." I gave him a quick peck on the neck and quietly told him I really liked this morning." Eye contact, but no reply.

HE went upstairs to finish getting dressed. Son and I started bedtime reading ritual in the living room and dessert. H came through and asked if I had the keys. I did, handed them to him back and over my shoulder as I was sitting on the futon and made sure my fingers grazed his palm just so, I gave him a raised eyebrow kind of look. He then was fiddling with something behind me and I turned to look more, then he went back to the kitchen for a minute, then came back through. I stopped reading again and gave him a look. He asked, "Why are you acting suspicious?" I said, "I am acting suspicious because as soon as you leave son and I are going to throw a party... on a school night." I then explained that I thought I was just giving him the proper opportunity to say goodbye. As he is going out the door he puts on the new hat. He says, "What do you think? Does it look good?" Son says, "Nice Hat." I say, "I don't know. I think it says "trying too hard." He says, "Oh, well in that case..." and doesn't finish.

In that case what? He won't ever want to be with me in the future because I didn't lie and say I like that hat? He went from a guy who looks young for his age to wearing a hat someone's grandpa brought back from the war. I mean I guess if he WANTS to look 10 years older than he IS, then that's the right look. I just don't think it does anything for him. Should I just say everything looks great from now on?

I don't like being fake.