It was the best of times it was the worst of times

[KdogGS]

Been doing some reflection today on the 180's I have made and progress I have made on myself. I thought I would outline them to give myself some motivation to keep going.

Needy, crying and clingy before BD ---> Self-confident now
Alcoholic ---> Sober since Sept 26th 2012
Depressed ---> Taking anti-depressants and consistent emotionally
Overweight ---> Lost weight healthily (need to get back on track with this)
High Blood Pressure ---> Finally went to doctor and got medicine (should have done this years ago, have been in denial)
No spirituality ---> Rededicated and focused life spiritually
Internalized everything ---> Reach out to others for help
Denial ---> Surrender
Controlling ---> Release
Cynical ---> giving others benefit of doubt
Attached to Iphone ---> Smashed it with sledge hammer, no longer have smart phone, focusing on real life relationships with co-workers, friends and acquaintances
Attachment to W ---> Still working on detaching from sitch
Snooping after BD ---> no snooping/questions
Couldn't help but contact her ---> Getting better at NC
Had no game plan ---> Have a plan and support from the site

I will continue to act with class, dignity and respect, I think that's Mr. Cas' code. Will see what the coming days/weeks bring.

[nit84]

Looks like you are on the right path!! Keep it going!! The NC is where I find I have the most difficult time trying to stick to. There always seems to a reason That the W or I need to make contact with one another mostly on mutual business not sure if that counts or not.

[KdogGS]

Good morning fellow DB'ers,

Wife forwarded me an email late last night. We got our dog from a rescue, and they do a matching fund each December. She got the email in an old email address she had when we got the dog. She forwarded me the email and wrote this-

"These emails still come to my old email and I know it is something near and dear to both of our hearts... So I wanted to forward it to you."

I have not responded to her last 2 emails, because they didn't really ask a question or anything. But for some reason last night at 11:15 she was thinking enough of me to forward this to me. I'm thinking of responding something like

"Thanks for forwarding this to me, I don't get them and I'll happily make a donation to the matching fund."

I'll probably wait a day before I send it, whereas in the past I probably would have responded as soon as I received it.

[KdogGS]

Major development- Wife has sent email outlining proposed division of property. It's interesting to see how much she thinks is community property that is clearly mine from before the marriage.

I am unsure of how to proceed. I just want to curl up into a ball and for this all to go away.

I'm going to institute the 48 hour rule before responding so I can wrap my head around things.

I have the next couple of days off, so hopefully I won't go crazy overthinking everything.

[labug]

Did you talk to a L?

[KdogGS]

Yeah I have, we're trying to decide on as much as we can on our own to defray costs. We'll see what we can come to an agreement on. I should be thankful to some extent in that she hasn't been unreasonable or nasty.

One thing that was quite odd was her opening line in her email was "Haven't heard from you in awhile. Hope everything is okay."

What a weirdo. Like she wants me to contact her - she ignored my last three phone calls with some lame excuses of why she couldn't answer.

[labug]

It's an opening line for a difficult email. Don't dissect it, take it for what it is, she hasn't heard from you and she hopes everything is OK.

[KdogGS]

Thanks for that labug, I needed that perspective.

Anyway, I wrote out the email in response to hers, and have revised it a couple times. It's pretty business like. I've had a hard time the last couple of days dealing with this turn of events. I was pretty emotional yesterday, had crying episodes that I haven't had for a few weeks. I'm only detached when I don't hear from her or talk to her.

Tonight I'm headed out to a night hike meetup, trying to take my mind off of things. I plan to send the response email tonight when I get home. We'll see how that goes.

Hope everyone else is doing well and remaining strong with their DB'ing efforts.




Mimi? Are you out there somewhere? How are things going with you if you're still checking in to the site occasionally?

[Mimi00]

(((hugs))) to you K.
Sorry you've were feeling down after her email. I know how that is. I haven't been on the site in several days. I decided come on tonight to check in on your sitch and a few others. Thanks for thinking of me.

I hope your hike went well tonight.

[KdogGS]

Thanks for checking back in Mimi, I hope you're doing well. Start a new thread, vent, let us build you up!

I went to the night hike last night, flashlight hike, it was cool. We went to a lookout tower and saw over the lights in the city. I met another guy who's coming out of a three year relationship. It went well and he sent me an email with his number saying we should hang out sometime.

I sent W the response email last night, I did go against some DB principles and I made myself a bit vulnerable. I feel good about sending what I did though. I did get to validate a bit of her feelings from a previous email I hadn't felt the need to really respond to. I let her know which church service I go to so that her family would feel comfortable going to their normal services, I didn't want them to worry they were going to bump into me each week.

Mostly I just gave her information though about dividing finances and moving forward like she wants to. I did nothing to try and talk her out of it or stall the process.

We'll see what the coming days/weeks hold. I hope everyone is doing well in their efforts to save their M's and themselves.