Sage, Sorry I haven't been by your thread in a while. Actually, I must apologize to all my bb buddies for my absence. I've been having a lot of trouble with my computers. In addition, my schedule has been relentlessly intense. All the same, you, as well as others, remain close to my heart and cross my thoughts often.
Slowly, I hope that you, along with others, will take comfort and encouragement from my journey. The principles that Michelle has laid out, have proven sound and reliable so far, for me.
I continue to exercise those principles as they have become second nature to me. I can't imagine where I'd be right now without them.
Although my M is not perfect, it definitely feels better than it did all those years prior to the "bomb". I'm not worried about it "being perfect" as that seems like an unrealistic goal and sets up a perpetual state of dissatisfaction. Mostly, I'm working on me - trying to recover my health, both mental and physical.
I'm gradually finding my voice again and stepping over some of those lines we have to create in order to work the DB principles.
I'm gradually working my way through the suffocating memories of last year and coming to terms with them.
And, I'm VERY gradually giving my H, step-by-step, handfuls of trust.
”just wondering what sort of things hold you back these days with H.”
I'd have to say - * the lingering impact of last years events, * questions yet unanswered, * the unpleasant realization of the negative things my H is capable of doing. (Of course, there is nothing new in that, just my awareness of it), * more time is needed in order to tip the scales of my fears, and develop more fully, a sense of confidence in myself.
The time line on all of this is deceptive. In some ways, it seems that the whole process is remarkably slow. Yet, in review, it seems like so much has happened (of the positive kind) over a relatively short period of time. I suppose it has a lot to do with perspective and state of emotion at any given moment.
