Her mother is torn up about all this. We haven't talked again though.
It seems there is another man. She posting all this on Facebook. Everyone knows but me. I am blocked. A friend finally called to let me know.
At this point I do still love my wife and I do want her back. Where this takes us idk. But NC and 180 for sure now. Supposedly she was calling me yesterday to confess but never did. We didn't talk. Today we are suppose to bit I am doubtful. Two days ago I think this was suppose to happen too but no.
I thought we were in contact again and things looked up but I guess not.
I have read some but things have been hectic for me and I have been lost for a few days.
Some of this was posted on another forum but then I found this one.
I haven't been there for her emotionally. Our communication was suffering, wasn't as affectionate, I was complaining a lot about other things, people, work and that was majority of our talk before she left. I wasn't listening to all her needs and wants. I was stressed and tired. Lack of balance between work, personal and marriage time. We didn't go in dates much, so on.
This has happened before and we would talk and things would be better fir awhile. I'd fall back on bad behaviors. This happened a few times in our marriage.
I have been in contact with the family friend who helps around the house there. She's basically family. She's helped by talking but doesn't want to interfere. She will give her opinion and throughts if asked. I know her and W have talked. When her or MIL tries to talk about us she gets upset, cries, and leaves. So I believe there are still feelings, pain, and love. If she didn't get upset I them I think it would be bad.
She just tried to call as I am typing. I didn't answer. I can't now. Too much.
I tracked the package with her CC and letter. It arrived yesterday.
She wants to talk but I have been busy and emotional.
How should this be handled?
Help!
Burning, I have not read your entire sitch but I want to respond. Just stay calm. You don't have to talk until you are ready. It's not about her time. It's about you. You may even want to take a day or so to collect your thoughts. If we react in fear or anxiety, sometimes we can over-emote and not present ourselves as clearly and calmly as we would like.
Take a while today. Nothing has to happen in seconds or minutes. These journeys are long ones we have found ourselves on. Give yourself some time.
Just breathe.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
I did put cash in the package too. One of her fears is being without cash in a bad spot. I did this because I love her and care. I also don't know what's on her card. Could be a thank you from her as well.
She is having lunch with the family friend who knows all about this. So that may not be a bad thing. But she has said the longer you wait the worst of will get. That seems loaded...
Idk. Trying to gather thoughts and feelings, stay calm and collected.
I want her to talk first and I listen. Then say what else I need to when she is done. Even if she says it's over. Done. And/or there's OM. Let her talk.
I plan to say, with a few points in between but basically, I still believe in us and our marriage, I'm standing for I believe in, and if she is sure this is what she wants then I want her to have it.
I feel your distress. I am very sorry you are hurting.
First, From what I can tell, you have not finished reading DB and/or DR. You need to do that for yourself. We are all here to support you but we are not MWD. You need to read and understand the principles that you are trying to apply.
You sent W a letter. Bump in the road, set back, we all have them. For a wife that has asked for space and time to herself that would be a pursuing behavior, and depending on what you wrote in it, it could be begging and pleading too. Letters from you have to stop.
When you think you are strong enough to listen to what she has to say, do just that. Listen. Do not give her the "bullet points" you are thinking. Don't offer some hero husband martyr speech about standing for what you believe in. You will push her away by implying that you are in some way superior morally to her.
Just listen. You don't know what she will say. Don't mind read and worry about what you don't know. Be polite and present but do not beg, plead, reason, cry, yell, fight or condescend. Listen to what she says, validate that you have heard her and if she wants some kind of response remember that you can take as much time as you need and even get back to her on it. Exit the converstion FIRST.
STOP talking to her friend. You won't get anything you think you need from that. Come here. Vent here. Cry here. LISTEN to the advice of the mentors like Cadet and Bond. This is not their first rodeo and they can really help you to help YOURSELF. Your marriage is second to you right now.
Stay in the calm. And like Kdog said... Read the 37 Rules and apply them immediately! In fact, I would say don't have any contact with W until you have at least read those. Print them off. Put them in your pocket. Read them every day. You will stay focused.
You can do this. I know you can.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
